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AgapeDoc, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
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Im 35 years old, I got married with a american guy 30 years

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I'm 35 years old, I got married with a american guy 30 years older than me, for different reason and problems I am not in love with my husbund anymore, we are almost 5 years married, we were fine, he is a good man but he likes to take the control in everything, and he almost decides for everythings and when he is upset we always tells me that I never going to be firts because his kinds are first, I never asked him to be first, I just aks him to look at me as your wife and being considerate with me also, I helped him wen he went on difficult economy situations, I feel like he forgot those thing he remember always my bad actions, I never took anvantage of him and he knows that, know to me is very difficult to leaves, I feel guilty, I think he needs me, and he told me already that I an not considerate with everything he gave me (superficial), I dont want anything from him, I am very thankful, but he hurt me with his word and I feel guilty, how I can leave and not feel guilty? thank you
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  AgapeDoc replied 2 years ago.

AgapeDoc :

Thank you for contacting Just Answer. Let's see if I can help here....

AgapeDoc :

It is my goal to answer your question and exceed your expectations. If you are satisfied with my efforts will you click on the accept button when we are finished?

AgapeDoc :

OK.... I see that you are currently offline. Let me go ahead and see what I can do....

Customer:

I am here

AgapeDoc :

I have read your post a couple of times and I am sorry that you find yourself in this unfortunate situation. It seems that you are feeling as though you are being treated very unfairly in spite of the fact that you have done your share in the relationship.....

AgapeDoc :

OK... I see that you have logged on..

AgapeDoc :

As I mentioned above, it is my intention to answer your question and exceed your expectations. If you are satisfied with my efforts will you click on the accept button when we are finished?

Customer:

yes, My english is not really pretty good, sorry, I will do my best for you understand me

Customer:

ok

AgapeDoc :

OK... not to worry about your English - we'll get through this :) OK..... It looks like you question is how do you leave with out feeling guilty.......

Customer:

yes

AgapeDoc :

Well, I must be honest, there is almost always some guilt on both parties in ANY breakup - so I won't promise that I can tell you how to avoid ALL feelings of guilt. However.......

AgapeDoc :

... It seems that he took advantage of you from the get go. He may not be fully aware of it, but he did.

AgapeDoc :

It sounds like he was in a financial bind and looked to you to help him. Once that was done, he probably started his attitude of not appreciating you :(

AgapeDoc :

You have been very accommodating in "taking a backseat" to his kids and done your part. There is not reason for you to feel guilty! He is the one that should feel guilty because HE took advantage of YOU!

AgapeDoc :

The best way to deal with this is to realize that you are going to have some feelings of guilt - it's natural (for anyone) to look for ANY little mistake that you did over the years in the relationship and focus on that as if it would have made a difference. Just realize that what is happening now is not fair.

Customer:

mm sometime I feel that he makes me fell bad... Well when we got married he had money...he even didnot wanted i work, i did nto have a car, because he did not wanted..

Customer:

well I have to leave know

AgapeDoc :

The other way to get over your feelings of guilt is to think about the following... Can you imagine staying in a relationship where you are constantly hurt? Is that fair to you? Would you do that to him?

AgapeDoc, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 197
Experience: Dr. W. D. Nicholas will help you find solutions to life's challenging issues.
AgapeDoc and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

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