Good afternoon and thank you for the opportunity to help in answering your question. First please let me say that I am sincerely XXXXX XXXXX hear of the pain that both your friend as well as you are going through. It's a very difficult thing to see someone we care about living in pain, especially emotional pain.
My suggestions to you would be to of course let him know that you are there for him but to also make sure that he understands that without receiving help or treatment that will undoubtedly get worse. As for how to approach him and what you can do. Consider the above mentioned but also let him know that with him blocking you out the way he does he is doing two things...he's pushing his support system and a woman who cares for him away without getting treatment but he is also contributing you to growing depressed as well. Finally I would further suggest not to always be there for him at the drop of a hat given that will only serve to continue enabling his depression and reinforcing that he doesn't need treatment and that he can get through it with you always being there to listen.
Believe me...this won't be easy for you to do given that you do care as much as you do but it's likely the best thing for you both. I would also suggest that you consider seeing a therapist individually for two reasons. The first is to help you to cope and manage your friendship/relationship as he goes through treatment but also to help you to work through your own depression and any unresolved issues you may be experiencing as a result of your feelings to this gentleman. My apologies for being blunt in my suggestions but I really could think of no gentle way to put it to ensure that you have a full understanding as to the reasoning behind my suggestions.
I hope that I have been helpful in answering your question and that you found my suggestions to be of benefit to you.
Please let me know if you have any further questions that I can help in answering for you. I want to be certain that I have answered your question completely and thoroughly.If you feel that I've answered your question to your satisfaction then I would greatly appreciate your clicking the ACCEPT button thereby giving me credit for the answer and suggestions I've provided to you. I hope this finds you well and look forward to your response.
Thanks for your response. You're likely right that he probably does believe that he can deal with it on his own and may very well be reluctant to get proper treatment. For individuals such as this I usually bring scientific evidence to demonstrate the severity of a depression as well as statistics regarding. You would be get statistics such as these on the NIMH website (National Institute of Mental Health as well as CDC (Centers for Disease Control)
The reason that his work is immaculate is due to th e fact that he's using that as his only way of coping to be honest. Some people turn to drugs or alcohol to "numb the pain" while others turn to work as their drug. This is an important note to mention to him when presenting to him the evidence I suggested above.
If he takes getting treatment as weak or as a failure the evidence you present to him will dispel that. It's a legitimate medical condition that has a biological basis to it and is treatable and in a lot of cases curable. Make sure he's aware that he really needs to devote himself to the treatment and getting well. I hope this helps to answer your question.
I think that's smart to get more than one opinion. I wish you the very best. You had submitted another question to me only. Would you prefer that I opt out and let another answer it as I would be more than happy to do so. I want to be certain that your question is answered thoroughly.
I don't mind replying. This isn't about getting paid over and over. I appreciate the fact that he does care for you and it certainly seems as though he displays this to you in the actions above. You're likely right in that he is both scared of committment but also because of his emotional state. The fear of committment may very well coming from him not being able to give you what he feels you deserve...or that he feels he's not good enough for you given that this is consistent with a depression.
Everything you mentioned above demonstrates that you're going through a depressive episode as well and it's impacting your level of self esteem and self worth as well. That's why I suggested that you consider seeing a therapist yourself. I hope this helps and I wish you the very best and I hope this finds you well.