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Hello. I'm online and would be more than happy to help in answering your question. Just let me know when you are back in the chatroom and we can discuss this further. Thank you for the chance to help you
Hello. Thanks for joining me in the room
Hello, thanks for responding.
certainly. Could you elaborate a bit on your question please? you mentioned the erotomaniac says the victim is pursuing them. Did I read that correctly sir?
Yes, well it's actually that I'm trying to take both sides of a complication in my own life. I have a back story that I feel I have not been able to explain correctly to therapists I have seen. Yes, my question is can someone be incorrectly labelled as delusional (erotomanic) because (s)he can`t bring the relationship from fantasy to reality within what is considered the reasonable amount of time, and also be getting resistance and confused responses from the object of affection, but also be correct about the victim also pursuing the person who is being presented to therapy? What would be the right course of action for the patient, or maybe the patient doesn`t need therapy at all? My goal is to be who I am, think what I think, wait for this person if I choose, but be comfortable in my own skin.
Thank you very much for the detailed explanation. I sincerely XXXXX XXXXX If you give me a minute to read through I can offer you my assessment
Thanks. I should point out an added wrinkle that this is a gay issue: the other player in this is career obsessed and in a homophobic profession.
no worries. Emotions are emotions. I think I have a better understanding now. Thank you
The confused responses are anonymous hang up phone calls right after I have seen this person, and following me despite my having asked him to stop - as well as very confusing responses to questions I have asked him.
Basically the concept of erotomania starts off as an obsessional form of behavior in that they actively pursue the object of their affection regardless of whether the affection or interest is reciprocated. At this stage...if the behavior is either rebuffed or given "mixed messages" in the form of behavior, words, etc. then this can fuel the obsessive behavior. It as at this point that the transformation begins to take place in the form of a delusion in that the individual posesses a false fixed belief of what the relationship really is. It is at this point that the obsessed individual needs to be further assessed to decipher whether this is obsessional or delusional. Both are treatable but the delusional state is more difficult and would require more time. Furthermore, the obsession often begins because the target or victim tends to remind the individual with erotomania of someone who they were once close to or just wanted to be with and never had the chance for whatever reason. Does this sound about right so far?
It sounds consistent with what I have read, yes. I should point out that I personally have never been diagnosed with erotomania or delusions, but I feel as if that is the way my therapists have treated me. I have been most depressed when no matter how much I describe about the other guy, it comes back to the same old stand - "honey, it ain`t gonna happen." Yet no one has ever given me one of those tests (Foulds, etc.) to detect whether my thinking is delusional either. Is this responsible enough of them? The flip side is that these phone calls and following could be interpreted as elements of him stalking me under some stalking laws, and that I am in fact the victim. Does a therapist need to know which side to take before treating someone? Could it be possible that I don't need therapy at all I guess is what I'm asking? My pain is in the form of "how could he leave me hanging this way if he really loved me," am I just being impatient, or is this a symptom of delusional thinking?
Or I should say that I've never been TOLD that I was diagnosed that way.
I would agree that this would warrant further evaluation and some therapist have a tendency to make an immediate diagnosis based on the surface presentation. Even though there arent't specific tests for erotomania, there are tests such as personality measures that can identify obsessive tendencies and bring it that much closer to an evaluation. At this point and based on what you have identified I would suggest seeing a clinical psychologist for testing to confirm or disconfirm the diagnosis. At the very least I would suggest therapy for you to deal with and cope better with the resulting emotional strain and potential depressive symptoms. Does this sound reasonable to you?
Right now...at this moment the healthiest thing you can do is to focus on yourself and what initially drove this behavior and ways to not engage in this manner in the future so that you can have a healthier life. :)
Yes, thanks, XXXXX XXXXX got a lingering hang up call today and think it triggered my bad mood. Would love to have it stop but I think that would mean me stopping doing something that I have no clue about. It has been a very intractable issue.
If you would allow me...I would also l like to suggest a workbook that could help you. It's based on cognitive behavioral therapy and included exercise sheets that help you identify the impacts of your thoughts on your emotional state and also includes ways to cope better with them. May I get the link for you?
Yes, that would be wonderful, thank you.
Here you are, It's a great workbook that I often have my patients do in conjunction with their therapy and they find it very helpful
May I ask...do you have any further questions I can help you with?
Thank you, XXXXX XXXXX to keep a record of our chat and will work with this. Have a great day.
You too. You can end the chat by clicking the ACCEPT button. I wish you the very best!!