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mindhealer
mindhealer, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 693
Experience:  Licensed in MD and am also a Board Certified Diplomate (Advanced Practioner) I have over 10 years experience
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My daughter, 45, is currently in a homeless shelter along with

Resolved Question:

My daughter, 45, is currently in a homeless shelter along with her son, 22. They have 4 wks to find work and leave the shelter. If this should happen, I don't feel that I can let them be homeless. I hate the thought of them living with me, but I don't see another solution. Am I enabling.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  mindhealer replied 5 years ago.

mindhealer :

Hello. I'm online and would be happy to help you. Let me know when you are back in the room and we can discuss this further

Customer:

I'm here

mindhealer :

hello. Thank you for joining me in the room

mindhealer :

Would you mind if I asked a couple questions?

Customer:

No

mindhealer :

Thank you. You mentioned under already tried....you said "everything over the years." Could you elaborate what you meant by that please?

Customer:

My daughter has had problems since she was a teen, she's had drug and alcohol addicition. She has had trouble with her marriages, her children and keeping a job. Her last job, she was doing well, and then did something that got her fired. I have helped with so many things over the years, mainly because there were minor children involved.

mindhealer :

Thank you. That's what I thought but it was important to confirm that with you

mindhealer :

My impression at this point is that it couldn't hurt to allow them to stay with you if they don't find work and their own place but I would strongly encourage you to set very clear and firm boundaries. For instance, a time limit to find work and then another to hold the job and find a place of their own. I would suggest maybe 6-8 weeks for all of the above mentioned as that should be ample time...not to mention they have the 4 weeks in the shelter as well. Does that seem reasonable?

Customer:

It seems reasonable. Having been involved in recovery programs over the years, sometimes its difficult to determine where enabling ends and compassion begins.

Customer:

Another complication is the area that we live in has a very high unemployment %.

mindhealer :

I can certainly appreciate that. Believe me. I think that if the boundaries are there and adhered to..i.e. remind her of each week how much time is left and ensure that she and her son are both actively looking for work. I can certainly understand unemployment rate...but even a regular or temp job should be attained in that period of time if they both look every day and send out enough resumes and such

Customer:

Thank you for your confirmation, sometimes it helps just to know I am going in the right direction.

mindhealer :

You are sincerely XXXXX XXXXX you have any further questions I can help with?

Customer:

Not at this time. Thank you

mindhealer :

You can end the chat by clicking the ACCEPT button if satisfied with the help Ive provided. I wish you and your family the very best

Customer:

thank you, XXXXX XXXXX this ride ends soon!!!

mindhealer and 3 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you