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AgapeDoc, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
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my husband is going through a really hard time. He is confused

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my husband is going through a really hard time. He is confused about everything. He says he cannot handle any stress and is thinking of leaving me because that way he wouldn't have to worry about anything and have no responsibilities. He has a great job and says he might want to quit it and go backpacking across europe, even though he has never felt the need to travel before. The interests he used to love are not important anymore and even seem to be a hassle. One day he will say he wants children, then the next he does not. He will tell me he loves his new job and is very proud of his accomplishments and wants to work everyday, all day and then the next day he wants to sell everything we own because "what if there's something more". He was very close to his parents but now won't call them because it's too stressful to talk to them. He has anxiety attacks when we go out with friends but then is fine when we get there. He isn't sleeping well and he says it feels like he's going crazy. I believe him when he says he doesn't want he wants and that he's not sure of anything. Is it depression or something else?
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  AgapeDoc replied 3 years ago.

AgapeDoc :

Thanks for contacting me at Just Answer. Let's see if I can help here....

AgapeDoc :

My goal is to answer your question and exceed your expectation. If you are satisfied with my efforts will you click on the green accept button?

Customer:

yes

AgapeDoc :

OK.... I have read your post a couple of times now and I am so sorry you are in this difficult situation :(

AgapeDoc :

It looks like your main question is whether or not you have described some sort of depression....

Customer:

i guess so. It was like one day the world made sense to him and then the next nothing made sense and he started to question everything in his life

AgapeDoc :

... Well.... depression is called the common cold of mental illness for the following reason..... It is absolutely the most common form of mental illness there is, so...

AgapeDoc :

.... It is very likely that he is suffering from some form of depression - one of the issues with depression from a clinical perspective is there are so many forms - including Bi-Polar disorder, among dozens of others.

AgapeDoc :

One of the issues I see is that it may be depression and there may be some "comorbidity" - that is to say that it may be depression as well as an anxiety disorder as well.

AgapeDoc :

Not only possible anxiety, but possible many other things.

AgapeDoc :

If I may be so bold..... I think the question to be answered is not so much, "Is it depression or something else?" But I think the question is, "What is it? and What do we do about it?" OK - that

AgapeDoc :

OK.. That was 2 questions :)

AgapeDoc :

However, this is very serious and I can imagine that you have not had to deal with this on this level before (perhaps) so you are just needing or wanting someone to tell you what to do to make it alright or at least better.

AgapeDoc :

If I may... it is serious no doubt.... But it is not something that has never happened before. Very well function people hit a "bump in the road" and need a little work to get back on track :)

AgapeDoc :

How am I doing?

AgapeDoc :

I strongly suggest that you get him in for a complete medical check up - blood work, etc. in order to rule out anything medical. Then get him in to see a licensed psychotherapist. I strongly suggest you see a therapist who practices Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). Given the circumstances you have outlined here, that is the best strategy to move forward with.

Customer:

his family doctor would be the first step then? Will he refer him to a therapist?

AgapeDoc :

In all likelihood he will indeed refer him to a therapist :)

AgapeDoc :

Please don't feel alone in this. Once you talk to his family doctor you will start to see that this - as unfortunate as it is - is not unheard of.

Customer:

should we continue with the seperation. I think he feels less pressure having to deal with the normal day to day stuff but i don't think it's getting to the root of the issue

AgapeDoc :

Furthermore and more importantly, there are very effective treatments - just follow the directions and recommendation of the professionals you see :)

AgapeDoc :

How do I say this.... "hold no loosely" if you will. The separation is not a bad thing, but let him know you are there for him. It won't be long until the separation is not an issue - the treatment for things such as this are effective and results can been seen relatively soon. That's not to say that it won't be a long process, just that progress starts soon :)

Customer:

is there anything i can do to help him or stay sane myself in the meantime?

AgapeDoc :

Great question!

AgapeDoc :

Yes there is....

AgapeDoc :

Give yourself time away as needed - it's not just him that needs the separation :)......

AgapeDoc :

Get a copy of the book, Stop Walking on Eggshells (I can't remember the author right now) but this book has been a great help to many of my clients who are caregivers for people with difficult emotional needs.

AgapeDoc :

Set up clear boundaries and let him know what you will and will not accept.

Customer:

you will share what that is, right?

AgapeDoc :

And THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT.... get a close friend or family member to speak to about this and your needs, someone that you can totally trust and rely on :)

AgapeDoc :

Also, the therapist may want to include you in the therapy, which would be very nice. In any event, you will want to mention to the therapist as well as his doctor that you have been under additional stress in dealing with this.

AgapeDoc :

I hope I have been helpful :)

Customer:

yes, thank you.

AgapeDoc :

You posted the question, "You will share what this is right?" did I answer that?

Customer:

yes. it makes me feel better to know that what he's going through is not all that abnormal and that there may be treatment. thank you

AgapeDoc :

I am privileged to serve. If my efforts have been satisfactory to you, please don't forget to click on the green accept button. and of course you don't have to but I would appreciate if you provided feedback - Thanks agan :)

AgapeDoc, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 197
Experience: Dr. W. D. Nicholas will help you find solutions to life's challenging issues.
AgapeDoc and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

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