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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5578
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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Hi Kate, sorry it took a while to accept the last answer! I

Resolved Question:

Hi again, I'm wondering if someone can help me with what some things I'm facing at the moment. I think because of the depression and the result of living with abuse for so long, I find it hard to make good decisions. (I mostly can't think clearly about things and can feel paranoid about things) - so I want to check some things I'm trying to work through at the moment just to make sure it makes sense and get some feedback about them. So the first thing is we have a dog that my ex-husband got at a very stressful time during our lives. He didn't ask me, and suffice to say it was almost a traumatic event for me. (I had 2 small kids, my in-laws dog all on my own the following weekend, plus I think a time of extreme mental stress for me.) So we have had the dog for some time now because the kids' Dad threatened to put him down so I rescued him. So the thing is, he is getting older and we basically can't afford him. He needs to go to the vet, and I can't afford it! I think he has fleas on top of it all - but I've hung on to him for the sake of the kids. My daughter absolutely loves him and I also don't want him to be put down of course. But we're about to have another rent rise, and it's also come out that I think the landlord actually doesn't want us to have him!!! Ok, so I'm thinking that maybe we shouldn't keep him basically - that I need to put my needs first ? This makes me feel guilty basically, but I'm beginning to see that if I'm hard on myself, things just don't seem to work. Even if it's what I believe is 'morally' right - it just doesn't seem to help. Ok, the other thing I'm trying to decide is about my son at school. He is in Year One, and is struggling with some anxiety. Basically he has a teacher this year who is also quite anxious in her own way, and seems to have too much stress in her life. She loses her temper and yells at them, and single them out, shame them, but really really lose it with them. She's unfortunately the head of her department and the principal doesn't want to believe what other parents are reporting basically. So to cut a long story short, I am thinking about putting him in a school closer to home for the last 6 months of this year - but I'm not sure if this is running away from my problems or not. I've been put down most of my life basically, so it's hard to know what to do. I'm going to get involved in the depression support groups, and purchase the children of abusive parents books and start reading and learning, but in the meantime, if someone could just help me with those 2 issues, I would really appreciate the support. Thanks once again. 
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 3 years ago.

Hi! I can help you with your question.

 

I am sorry to hear about the situation with your dog. That is a very tough position to be in. One, the dog is costing you more than you can afford and two, the children are emotionally attached to the dog.

 

One of the things you can try is to find a local Humane Society clinic. They offer low cost visits and shots. You can explain your situation and see if they can help. They work with anyone to help to find the best solution. http://www.humanesociety.org/

 

Another option is if someone close to you could take the dog. That way, the kids could still see him but you would not have to care for him.

 

You can also buy a cheap flea collar at Walmart instead of having a vet treat him.

 

If you cannot afford a visit to the vet now, take time to save for it. As long as your dog is up on his shots, he should be ok.

 

Whatever you decide, be sure to include the children, even if it is just talking to them about their feelings. Children can deal with changes or loss, but they fair much worse if they cannot share how they feel.

 

About your son's teacher, there is nothing wrong with you moving him to another school. It sounds like this teacher is a bully and she is using her position to emotionally abuse the students. If the school is not listening to parents concerns, then the next best option is to take action by removing your son. It is better for him in the long run. Trying to learn in that kind of environment is nearly impossible.

 

It is great that you are learning more about your situation through the support groups and books. With any difficult situation, the more you know the better your resources in helping yourself and your children. If I can help provide any more resources, let me know.

 

Please let me know if you have any further questions. I'm happy to help.

 

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5578
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
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Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.