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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5578
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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I just broke up with a guy that is a terrible binge drinker.

Resolved Question:

I just broke up with a guy that is a terrible binge drinker. He is a very lonely man, plans his whole life around his ability to binge (he has three day weekends), and also has sexual fantasies that border on insanity. Even during long periods of being sober, his sexual libido is almost non existant. His lack of sexual ability is adding to his depression and need for these fantasies. I fear he is on a downward spiral. He was sober a few years back for over 7 years. When he is sobering up he feels alwful (drinks hard liquor almost to the point of alcohol poisoning) and sometimes asks why he drinks like he does. Over the weekend I was quietly getting on his case about his drinking and how it was ruining his life which is why we are no longer a couple. He had his head in his hands trying to remember the AA steps. Sober he is kind, sweet, gentle. But he is devoid of emotion. Would an intervention help him? Don't know what the legal situation is in SC for that. I hate to see him waste his life, but I know I can't fix him. Do you have any recommendations?
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 3 years ago.

Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.

 

It sounds like your friend does have the insight to understand that is drinking is a problem, but he is not motivated to become sober.

 

You are right, you cannot force him to seek help. But you can try the intervention. There are no legal issues around interventions that I am aware of or have ever heard of. As long as your friend has free choice to leave the intervention if he wishes and no one does him any harm, then you can do an intervention.

 

To do an intervention, it is a good idea to have a therapist or intervention specialist there to help the communication flow well and keep things focused. Here is a link to help you find an intervention specialist and how to do an intervention:

 

http://www.drugandalcoholrehab.net/Intervention.html

 

http://www.wikihow.com/Perform-an-Intervention

 

Confronting your friend is difficult but it may help him break through the last of his denial and understand the effects of his alcohol use. The binge drinking may also be affecting his ability to have a normal sex life. Alcohol is a depressant and that could be affecting him physically.

 

Another consideration is therapy. Along with his alcohol treatment, it would benefit him to find out why he feels devoid of emotion. A past history of abuse or neglect, a traumatic experience or another incident may be affecting his ability to feel and make him want to block out his emotions with alcohol. People shut off their feelings only if they feel they cannot cope with them. A therapist can evaluate the reasons behind this and give your friend an idea of what is causing this.

 

Your friend also could use a physical checkup to see if there are physical reason for his sexual issues. If he is willing, he should see his doctor as soon as he can. The doctor may also be able to talk to your friend about his drinking and the effects on his body. This probably won't do much to change his mind about drinking, but in the long run it gives him another reason to stop using.

 

Here are some books that may help as well:

 

Getting Them Sober: You Can Help! by Toby Rice Drews

 

When Enough is Enough: A Comprehensive Guide to Successful Intervention by Candy Finnigan and Sean Finnigan

 

You can find these on Amazon.com or your local library may have them for you.

 

I hope this has helped you,
Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5578
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
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Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.