Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.
It sounds like you have very good insight into your depression and are motivated to help yourself feel better. That is good news. Half the battle in recovery is the motivation to get help and to follow through. Whenever someone tells me that they want to get better, I know that they will.
Depression is a very difficult diagnosis to have. Part of depression is the lack of being able to help yourself. But you do sound like you are on the road to recovery. One of the best things you can do to continue to help yourself is to get a lot of support. Doing this alone is difficult at best. Therapy, support groups (in person or on line) and a good support system with family and friends is important. Here are some resources to help you get started:
Once you can get an emotional support system in place, you can have places to turn to as you feel the need.
You can also start addressing your depression through diet and wellbeing. Exercise is helpful in lifting your mood and creating good endorphines in your body. A diet rich in nutrients helps you feel healthier and more able to handle stress. Start by making slow changes and see if it makes a difference.
Also, if you have not addressed the abuse you suffered as a child, you may need to see someone to help you through it. Abused children often suffer from the effects of abuse throughout life if they do not address it. Shame, depression, anxiety and anger are very common effects of childhood abuse. Here is an excellent book to help you:
Adult Children of Abusive Parents by Steven Farmer
Learning as much as you can about depression makes a big difference. It sounds like you are already well into educating yourself on depression, giving you many options to pull from if you feel down. Here are some others that may help:
The Mindful Way through Depression: Freeing Yourself from Chronic Unhappiness by XXXXX XXXXX, XXXXX Teasdale, Zindel Segal and Jon Kabat-Zinn
Undoing Depression: What Therapy Doesn't Teach You and Medication Can't Give You by Richard O'Connor
You can find these books through Amazon.com or your local library may have them for you.
The more you search and try to educate yourself, the more chances you will have to find that eureka moment. It just takes persistence, which you seem to have already.
I hope this has helped you,Kate
You're welcome! I am glad I could help. You can ask me another question anytime. If you choose to start a new question, just put my name in front of the question so other experts know to leave the question for me.
Any way you would like to work it is ok with me. Whatever is easier on you. I don't mind at all! I look forward to talking with you and helping you with the issues you mentioned.
I am available to work with you as long as you need to. Just let me know what you decide and we'll go from there.