How JustAnswer Works:
  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.
Ask mindhealer Your Own Question
mindhealer
mindhealer, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 693
Experience:  Licensed in MD and am also a Board Certified Diplomate (Advanced Practioner) I have over 10 years experience
6848745
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
mindhealer is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

My husband is oneof many that watches porn. That is not the

Resolved Question:

My husband is oneof many that watches porn. That is not the problem. We have twelve year old twin boys and I have found one of my husbands porn dvd's under the rug in their bathroom! The dvd's are no longer in the house but I don't know how to deal with this where my children are concerned....they are only twelve!!! My husband keeps saying "he" will talk t them but hasn't yet and it has been several days! I am worried!!
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  mindhealer replied 5 years ago.

mindhealer :

Hello. I'm online and would be happy to help in answering your question. Let me know when you are back in the room and we can discuss this further

Customer:

Hi I am here

mindhealer :

Hi. Thanks for joining me in the room

mindhealer :

May I ask a couple questions before offering an answer?

Customer:

I am a little nervous my husband would be upset if he knew I was talking to anyone else about this and I dont usually keep things from him!! Yes you may

mindhealer :

I can appreciate what you're saying. Has he mentioned why he has not yet spoken to your boys?

Customer:

No I asked if he wanted me too and he just says "No I will" maybe he doesnt know what to say either??

Customer:

I am very upset about this I have always been so careful about what they watch!

mindhealer :

He may not. This needs to be handled delicately. May I ask...since finding the DVD under the rug and getting rid of it have you noticed any changes in your sons' behavors?

Customer:

not at all

mindhealer :

You mustn't blame yourself here. This was no fault of your own

mindhealer :

even though it is easy to blame ourselves.

Customer:

the timing is strange tho because only a couple of weeks ago I had told my husband how the porn upsets me but we were dealing with that

mindhealer :

My suggestion would be to speak further with your husband and just let him know that you did some research online about this type of thing.....the best approach is to be honest with your sons. Let them know that it's natural to be curious about sex at their age given that they are entering puberty and likely have questions about sex in general. I would further encourage them to answer questions about sex or the things that they saw and keep the answer general and away from specifics given the nature of what they saw. Then it would be important to end the chat with them about discussing the healthy part of sexual expression as ADULTS only and that it's important to have a level of emotional maturity to manage the impact that sex can have on someone

Customer:

ok

Customer:

Thank you

mindhealer :

Another important thing to keep in mind is to not point blame on your sons as that could potentially impact them developing a healthy sex life once they're older. Simply put they should not be made to feel ashamed of what they did but at the same time let them know that in the future if they ever come across something of that nature to use the information they've been given with this discussion and to use better judgement

Customer:

I agree! I am in no way mad with them nor do I "blame them" I just don't like that they watched it! Assuming they did as I don't know how long it was in their possession I just "assume" they have had time to watch it but they arent outta my sight very long at a time

mindhealer :

I'm glad to hear that. You certainly seem like a reasonable woman. May I ask do you have any further questions?

Customer:

no I don't think so thank you!

mindhealer :

you're very welcome. You can end the chat by clicking the ACCEPT button. I sincerely XXXXX XXXXX the very best!

Customer:

thanks you too

mindhealer and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you