Hi Kate, still hanging in there. What a lonnng week this has been for me waiting for Monday to get here so I can see Hernz.
Thanks for your answer but from what little I understand, it's not the synthroid that causes the problem, it's the length of time the thyroid itself takes to readjust itself that takes so long.
I'm hoping he does decide for sure on Monday for me to get the thyroid lab test done. I want to see proof for myself that he's on the right track. Know what I mean?
I'm doing okay because my body is adjusting to the xanax but it's still too much. Here's a question for you...the last time I saw Hernz I mentioned to him again in passing how mornings are always the worst times for me and as the day goes on, the better I feel. He had told me years ago that was one of the signs of depression and when I asked him again if I remembered that right, he said I had and it was called ----------. I don't remember what he called it. Do you know? That's one of the questions I'm going to ask him Monday but I was wondering if you knew it.
For the first time in all these years I Googled and found a good explanation of the "why" of panic
attacks. I found one called Biochemistry of Panic - Are Panic Attacks Biological or Mental. The part that really hit me hard was regarding early, early childhood and the part it might play in brain chemicals. To tell you my whole story is impossible but let me give you the very beginning....my mother went to a back street abortionist and tried to abort me. We know from Psalm 139 I was meant to be born but not all those who are on earth had it so great after birth.
I was kidnapped by my step-grandmother from my mother, had my name changed, reports forged and was adopted by my grandfather and step-grandmother. Until I was 10 I thought my biological mother was my sister but she didn't live with us. I was told my mother didn't want me (untrue) and if I wasn't a good girl I would be placed in a home for wayward girls run by nuns and she put me in the car and showed me the place. Remember, I was born in 1935 and this was not uncommon in those days. I was 10 years old, thought I was so bad my mother didn't want me and if I didn't do what I was told I would be sent away. I believed every word she said. She was a mean-spirited woman who used fear to control me. Everyone hated her.
Experts say in such a situation a child either rebels or submits. I submitted and tried to be the best little girl from then on I could be. The only problem was Mom kept changing the rules. So of course I never quite got the crown, pat on the head, or was told I was loved or lovable. My grandfather came over from Italy, was never taught to read or write and ruled the house with an iron fist....never hurt me physically but never told me he loved me or knew how to cuddle and raise a child with praise. He believed I had bad blood and never would be any good because of what my mother did
. I grew up, met and married an alcoholic who kept the merry-go-round going until I was 40 years old and got into Ala-non. That's when my life changed but the damage is still there in my brain chemicals.
Sorry so long but felt I had to tell you. Did I ever tell you that I had agoraphobia
for 18 years and could never leave my yard? 18 years of missing most of my 4 kids lives and events?
And here I am again today dealing with something I never thought I would ever have to deal with again. That's why I am hoping the findings come out that it was my thyroid all along like Dr. Hernz hopes.
Well, I asked you a question and you got a whole story along with it. Hope you don't mind.
Until I hear from you,
God bless, Rita
So that's just a little bit of my story. I certainly can see where