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AgapeDoc
AgapeDoc, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 197
Experience:  Dr. W. D. Nicholas will help you find solutions to life's challenging issues.
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hello. my husband and i have been marred for almost 19 years (will be in Sept). He chea

Customer Question

hello. my husband and i have been marred for almost 19 years (will be in Sept). He cheated on me 3 times with 3 different women. it happened one after another. I told him to move out and he did, only to shack up with 1 girl. I filed for divorce, he was served and we went to court. the thing was, while we waited for the 60 days to pass so divorce could be legal, he had to leave the country for his work. he was gone for 4 months and when he came back he never wanted to sign the divorce papers because he wanted to change and promised he would never do it again. i have always believed in working through anything and everything in a marriage especially if you have young children to think about. I was ofcourse very hurt, betrayed, you name it, i felt it. I stayed in the marriage. i thought that he would never do it again...but 7 years later, i feel like i am in the middle of this nightmare again. this time he has moved out again. i believe he is having an affair w/ our friend a
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  AgapeDoc replied 5 years ago.

AgapeDoc :

Thanks for contacting Just Answer - I appreciate the opportunity to serve...

AgapeDoc :

I am so sorry to hear that you are having to deal with this very challenging and exceedingly difficult situation. I'm sure it is a gut wrenching ordeal and it must seem as though it is like the never ending story :(

AgapeDoc :

I have read your post through a couple of times and I want to make sure that I answer the question and give you the information that you want so can you please help me and post the specific question you would like me to answer.....

Customer:

i am so confused as what to do now. do i stay or go?

AgapeDoc :

OK...... Thanks for getting back to me and again, I know this is difficult....

AgapeDoc :

Well.. you know that ultimately you the only one who can decide this for yourself, but I understand that you want some guidance and support in this difficult time.

AgapeDoc :

Ultimately, I believe you know that answer already, if not consciously then you know deep down what the answer is....

AgapeDoc :

If you are like others it may come down to knowing what the answer is, but taking the initiative may be quite challenging.

AgapeDoc :

I have worked with others in very similar situations....

AgapeDoc :

.... and like other situations it is clear that this pattern of behavior shows no signs of changing. Remember... I am basing this on the information that YOU provided.

AgapeDoc :

So.... if you are basing your decision on whether he is going to be faithful - then (presuming your suspicions are correct) you should move out or ask him to move out.

AgapeDoc :

The alternative is to accept him regardless of his transgressions - this is not what I recommend, but some have chosen this believe it or not!

AgapeDoc :

And of course I can't say if he is having this affair, but based on what you have posted, I would venture to say you are correct in your suspicions - I'm so sorry :(

Customer:

He has moved out. We were fighting too much and we both agree that the kids don't need to be around any of it. The person I think he is having a affair with was a family friend and neighbor. This makes it a bit harder as I had confided in her as a friend about the situation that happend a few years ago. I feel as though she used it against me/us and took advantage of the info and consoled him and started the communication with him. I confronted both of them about my feelings and ofcourse both denies having anything going at all. she said that she "could NEVER do that to me"...well, I have a good "gut" feeling. I do know what I need to do (rationally based on the his history) but then, I cannot stomach the fact that our family as we know it dies. It hurts me of how much pain this will cause our kids. Our oldest is 17 yrs old and has told me how he feels. GOD, I wish I didn't feel this way...so betrayed and abandoned. When will I get over this pain??? thanks for bein my sounding board...

AgapeDoc and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  AgapeDoc replied 5 years ago.
I wish you a speedy and smooth transition and recovery - this is very challenging. Kids are more resilient than we give them credit for sometimes. All my best.

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