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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5482
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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How do you stop crying and get your head back on track In

Resolved Question:

How do you stop crying and get your head back on track?

In my life there are only a few times I recall getting as upset as I am today. When my dad left my mom, when I broke up with my high school sweetheart, when my grand mother passed away and now that the love of my life had twins while we were together. I was raped and had an abortion and never cried. I lost my job and never cried. Why now is all my heart ache coming out? I look at old pictures and cry. He texts me and I cry. I don't know to stay with him or start my whole life over again and it seems like my entire life flashes before me everytime I think about it.

Should I stay or go? We have a business together and I am worried about my finances. He wants to help me with anything like nothing ever happened. I won't allow him. He says he will never find anyone like me. He wants to make things work but needs me to accept the twins.

My other issue is he was drugged to have the twins - did not know - had no idea - took DNA to comfirm. How can I punish him for someone elses mistake? But how do I get all the thoughts out of my head? How do I quit crying and become productive again.

My last tragedy was my Grand Mother passing away. That was horrible and took me months to get back on track. My caring and loving family split in two and for the last 4 years nothing has been the same. I meet him 3 years ago and decided to put my heart in sole into the relationship. He went through divorce, bankrupcty, etc and traveled non-stop for the past two years because his mother was sick. I took a backseat and accepted it because she had cancer and I didnt want to be a bitch and complain, but now my life is in pieces because of her.

The best part is he came home for 10 days and now she is in town for weeks. When she is around I am not acknowledged it is all about her and the family which now includes the twins. I feel I will never win this situation, but I love him, the business and starting a new life is scarey. I don't know what to do to get my head on track.

Please let me know what you think.......
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 3 years ago.

Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.

 

It sounds like you have suffered a lot of loss in your life. Then you decide to give yourself over to this relationship and you are betrayed in your relationship not only by your partner but by his family. On top of that, your partner is putting his family before you and your needs.

 

You can help yourself by starting to put yourself first. Your partner is not able to do this for some reason so you need to do it for yourself. You also need to mourn. The loss of your relationship, your grandmother, the rape you experienced and other losses all can add up and become overwhelming. Taking time to mourn and allow yourself to feel the loss and work through it will help you feel better and more able to handle other things.

 

Here are some resources to help you:

 

How to Survive the Loss of a Love by Peter McXXXXX, XXXXX H. Bloomfield and Melba Colgrove

 

Recovering from Losses in Life, H. Norman Wright

From Grief to Grace: Images for Overcoming Sadness and Loss (Grief Resources) by Helen Reichert Lambin

 

You can find these books on Amazon.com or your local library may have them for you.

 

Let me know if I can help any further,

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5482
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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