Have Mental Health Questions? Ask a Psychiatrist Online
Thanks for contacting me at Just Answer. Let's see if I can help here...
This is a bit of a sticky situation. It seems that he is not very stable at least financially and since he is in the final stages of a divorce I submit that emotionally he may not be that stable either.
You sound like you are ready for more commitment than he is to be honest.
Yes I tend to be the one who keeps him focused on what he needs to get done with looking for a job, making sure everything with the divorce is going smoothly and he likes to get advice from me about what he should do even though he doesn't always take the advice, he makes his own decisions
He is getting the "better end of the deal" as it were. You are generous enough to pay for his bills and have taken on the financial responsibility of the relationship.
Yes I feel sometimes ready
i have been burned a couple times previous about almost a year and half ago
another divorce guy and a guy in his 30's who will probably never stop being 16 with how he treats women like they are dispensible
yes i have
Now that you have said that, I would suspect that you are are very trusting person and generous by nature. My guess would be that this is your nature. You should proceed with extreme caution...
yes its in my nature
money isn't an issue for me unfortanetly
and i inhereted it from my dad
he used to try to solve and buy love with money, i saw that with him and my mom
I think you have every right to set up some boundaries and make sure that he adheres to them.
ok but thats why i don't know what to do
because now i cut off the money
i told him i just couldn't
but he doesn't have a clue that I see all the people his in contact with on his phone bill
The money issue and what you have just posted is something to strongly consider...
the pic images always connect an email account on his phone so i look them up on facebook
always another girl
That's ok.... explain that you need reassurance of his commitment to you due to the nature of your (long distance) relationship
he wont, he says he isn't talking to anyone else
then says we are not together
but we call each other babe and sweets, honey
"Always another girl..." you say? I'm afraid that if we were having this conversation face to face, I would simply repeat that and sit silently while that resonated with you.....
Listen to what you are saying here....
and when i was in california it was like we were at least dating
but his super social even though he never tells me his with girls
he never says girls names unless its one of a friends gf's
or talking or texting
idk i tried to cut it off the last weekend and he freaked out on me
i'm not scared of him
i just feel invested and his partially and getting the better end of the stick
You asked what you should do.... I would have to say that this relationship is not one based on trust and I am afraid that it's not going anywhere... sorry...
even though he never asks for money he considered accepting that i pay his attorneys fees because he has two kids involved in the this divorce
Let me ask you.... do you want to cut your loses now, or later on when you will have lost even more...
Listen to yourself.....
but how when i already feel like i have given so much
money, time, energy, feelings
i feel like its the cycle of relationships im choosing too
the first divorce guy really messed me up
As I said - it's unfortunate that you find yourself in this position - however, it's better to end it now than later.
he held onto me for 9 months through his last relationship and married her 3 months after we stop talking
I think you are right about your pattern -
i don't understand though why he wants me around or someone to talk to
I would suggest you see a relationship coach or a therapist to see how you can recognize what you might be doing to attract this kind of relationship.
he doesn't talk to all these other girls
he just texts them all day long
Of course he likes this - he is getting all the benefits....
but how can he feel right about it, using someone
he feels like his been so good to me
and in free ways he has if thats the best way to put it
always respectful, asks me how im doing
spent time with me in californai
used to text alot
mostly when he says his going to call
It sounds like you are making excuses for a man than invests his time talking, texting (either way) to other women and doesn't tell you about it - and even denies it! Is this what you want for yourself?
i feel like i'm number one but that he has a whole bunch of other options just in case
no and the only reason why i know about it though is because i have access to it
if i didn't i wouldn't know then what would i do
ultimately i feel like i have lost so much trust for men over these last 3 years
the other two guys cheated on me with some of my friends that they met through me and/or girls that i knew
i feel so screwed up
with the trust issues
If you are OK being with someone who feels he needs a (or many) backup plans - then ....
If you are ok being with someone who as backup plans, then...
Are you OK being with someone who needs a backup plan in case you don't work out?
no i'm not sigh
but what if all these girls are friends
and i'm over-reacting
and were not together, even though were not dating and were not friends
You are the victim here. If they were friends (c'mon) he would tell you about them.
yea i don't know any of them by name
and he mentions all his friends and their girlfriends
the girlfriends of the friends have even talked to me on the phone
so they know about me
well i probably don't have much to worry about now
he hasn't called, text or anything today
but his been texting a new girl all day and sending her pics
i predict he will call tonight but once were done talking back to the texting
spradically he will call one
It seems to me that you have your answer - but it's not the answer you really want. Unfortunately, to stay in the relationship is going to get you more problems....
I imagine that you were hoping for some way to make this OK. But unfortunately, no one could make this work for you.... sorry :(
i think your right
i just need to try to find it in me to make it happen
im scared to move on
I hope I was helpful. If you are satisfied with my efforts, please don't forget to click on the accept button
and say that i spent almost 3000 in all this
yes your time was definitely helpful!!
I know you must be - that's natural and you're not the first person to find yourself in this position. That's why I think a therapist would be very helpful to you :)
i think i should get into therapy
i have been before last time was about two years ago after the first bad bad break up
but yea i think i need to go back