Good evening and thank you for the chance to help you. First please let me say that I am sincerely XXXXX XXXXX hear of the difficulty you've experienced these last 2 years. Based on the information you've provided it sounds as though you would benefit greatly from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. This approach explores in depth your thought of this man and helps you to work toward identifying triggers and prompts that leads to them.
One consideration is to to see a therapist that is experienced in this therapeutic approach. You could get a referral to see a therapist from your health insurance provider.
Another possibility to try a workbook that is based on the same principles I noted above. The workbook includes exercise sheets that will help you to identify the thoughts and what brings them on. The workbook also includes ways to alter your thoughts and to cope better and healthier. Please find below the link to the workbook:
I hope that I have been helpful in answering your question and that you found my suggestions to be of benefit to you.
Please let me know if you have any further questions that I can help in answering for you. I want to be certain that I have answered your question completely and thoroughly.If you feel that I've answered your question to your satisfaction then I would greatly appreciate your clicking the ACCEPT button thereby giving me credit for the answer and suggestions I've provided to you. I hope this finds you well and look forward to your response.
I hope you will consider using the workbook as it couldn't hurt to try. As for therapy I think you would certainly benefit from that. Given that we live in a difficult economy you could consider calling your local Department of Health and inquire about mental health services. They're able to see you at a significantly reduced rate and sometimes it's free.
Another consideration would be doing a Google search for "Pro Bono Counseling Group" which is made up of private therapists that set aside time to help individuals who have difficulty paying and they treat them for a set number of sessions for free. That may also be an option worth exploring.
If there's anything else you need let me know. I wish you well.