How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask mindhealer Your Own Question

mindhealer
mindhealer, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 693
Experience:  Licensed in MD and am also a Board Certified Diplomate (Advanced Practioner) I have over 10 years experience
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
mindhealer is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

My husband is continually being verbally abused by his two

Resolved Question:

My husband is continually being verbally abused by his two children for what they call his "wrongdoings". The two "children" are actually aged 27 and 30 years old. My husband recently divorced his wife of 30 years when she had an extra-marital affair and asked him to leave their home. Since then, about four years ago, my husband has been firstly told not to attend his daughters wedding until he fixed "her issues" with him. He has also made some rules at the cottage of which no rules were made in the past. The two children were enabled by his former wife to control the household. This has since changed since he and I were married and he is taking control. The abuse has accelerated over time and my husband is thinking of ending contact with his children. He is also considering asking his four brothers and sisters to do the same in order to make the children realize that their behaviour is unacceptable within the family. The children have already abused his sister when she didn't agree with their reasoning for their behaviour. We need help!
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  mindhealer replied 3 years ago.

mindhealer :

Good evening. I'm online and would be happy to try and help. Please let me know when you are in the room and we can discuss this further

mindhealer :

Hello and thank you for joining me in the room

Customer:

I am available right now.

mindhealer :

Would you mind very much if I asked a couple of questions to gain further understanding of the situation?

Customer:

I do not mind.

mindhealer :

Thank you

mindhealer :

First...when would you say that the verbal abuse against your husband began?

Customer:

I think that it has actually been going on for years. Even while he was living with his ex-wife. I noticed verbal abuse towards him from her. I didn't realized the children were doing it too. I just noticed it when he and I began dating and announced our engagement.

mindhealer :

Thank you. What form does the verbal abuse take on? Is it in relation to the divorce or other things?

Customer:

Yes. It in relation to their divorce and his decision to not have contact with his ex wife. It also seems to be in relation to the fact that my husband has taken control of his life and is not allowing them or his ex-wife to control him any longer.

mindhealer :

Thank you. That was my impression but it was important to confirm it from you. It seems that his children are projecting their anger at the divorce itself onto their father which is completely wrong of course. Especially given the fact that the divorce was likely a result of her own verbal abuse and her infidelity. Does that sound to be accurate?

Customer:

Yes.

mindhealer :

Thank you. At this point does your husband still help them when they come to him for anything?

Customer:

They don't come to him for anything at this point. He was helping them in the past, mainly financially. They would go to their mother for everything else as she always said "yes" to everything and then expected my husband to fulfill all of their needs and wishes. His daughter did come to him in the past for advice but not his son. His son made all of his own decisions with the help of his mother,.

mindhealer :

thank you. It sounds as though the children learned the behavior from the ex wife and then it took off when they found they could get what they wanted regardless of how the engaged or behaved. You mentioned that they even berated your husband's sister when she voiced that what they were doing is wrong?

Customer:

Yes, this is correct.

mindhealer :

Do your husbands other siblings recognize this as well? The severity and wrong behavior of the children?

Customer:

His siblings recognize the bad behaviour but his older brother in particular says that he will still have a relationship with my husband's son and treat him respectfully. His family for the most part are very polite and respectful people and in some cases not very assertive. They are educated people and not used to this kind of behaviour and really don't know how to deal with it.

mindhealer :

I can sincerely XXXXX XXXXX behaviors....sounds to be the opposite of his ex wife...and I'm only speculating but my impression is that her family is probably like that as well

mindhealer :

has the family as a whole been in counseling prior to the divorce?

Customer:

I believe that her family may be like that as well but from what they display on the outside you may not know it. The family as a whole has never been to counselling before the divorce. It was however understood by my husband's family that his ex-wife was abusive and dysfunctional.

mindhealer :

Thank you

mindhealer :

My suggestion at this point is for your husband to meet with his siblings who all seem to be reasonable and explain to them that he has tried everything to reason with the children, be supportive of them, etc. which has had no impact and no positive results. They will likely continue this behavior if there are no consequences. It's important that he explain this to his siblings and then to inform the children that he will be cutting ties with them until they recognize the harm that they are causing him and the impact this is having on his life and likely health. Given the fact the stress endured likely impacts his blood pressure and other physical manifestations.

mindhealer :

He can do this either face to face, email or letter...whichever he is comfortable with. These are not children...they're adults and SHOULD know the difference between right and wrong and they're choosing to ignore that to the detriment of their father. If this persists it will only worsen and will certainly take it's toll on your husband as psychological stress will almost ALWAYS manifest into physical conditions which can and often are threatening to one's well being

Customer:

Thank you for this advice. From my past experience I know that his children will respond with an answer like "what about the harm that you are doing to us!" They are very narcisstic people. His siblings may also take the children's side as they are very compassionate people. Do you think it logical that my husband ask his siblings to have no contact with the children until they recognize what they are doing is wrong?

mindhealer :

I think it's reasonable for your husband to meet with his siblings and to explain things precisely the way I have identified them...especially in relation to the stress causing physical conditions, the more stress he has the more his arteries constrict.

mindhealer :

I woudl suggest that he tell his siblings the intent and that he would not hold any ill will toward them if they decide to maintain contact with the children but that the best thing for him to do is to take a break from them.

mindhealer :

May I offer another suggestion? And you are most welcome for the advice

Customer:

Yes. Please.

mindhealer :

I would suggest recommending to your husband to consider seeing a therapist individually as even though this is the healthiest approach to take...it will still take a toll on him given that they are still his children despite their inexcusable behavior. He's only human

mindhealer :

May I ask...do you have any other questions I can help with?

Customer:

No. That is all. Thank you very much for your help.

mindhealer :

You are most welcome. I'm very happy that I could help and you can end the chat by clicking the accept button if I've answered your question to your satisfaction. I wish you and your husband the very best and I wish you well

mindhealer, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 693
Experience: Licensed in MD and am also a Board Certified Diplomate (Advanced Practioner) I have over 10 years experience
mindhealer and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
< Last | Next >
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
  • I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well! Claudia Albuquerque, NM
  • Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion. Kevin Beaverton, OR
  • Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
    I feel better already! Thank you.
    Elanor Tracy, CA
  • Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem. Julie Lockesburg, AR
  • You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions. John and Stefanie Tucson, AZ
  • I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!! Janet V Phoenix, AZ
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/Dr.Keane/2013-8-20_204325_drkeane.64x64.jpg Dr. Keane's Avatar

    Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    5024
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC's Avatar

    Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    3733
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/DrAkiraOlsen/2012-2-20_746_AkiraADpicmain.64x64.jpg Dr. Olsen's Avatar

    Dr. Olsen

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2336
    PsyD Psychologist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg Norman M.'s Avatar

    Norman M.

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2193
    UK trained in hypnotherapy, counselling and psychotherapy and have been in private practice. ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), UKCP Registered and ECP.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/PsychologyProf/2010-07-15_171248_logos060400409.jpg Dr. Michael's Avatar

    Dr. Michael

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2177
    Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KURTEMMERLING/2010-07-23_215531_just_ask_picture1.jpg Steven Olsen's Avatar

    Steven Olsen

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1727
    More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education