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mindhealer
mindhealer, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 693
Experience:  Licensed in MD and am also a Board Certified Diplomate (Advanced Practioner) I have over 10 years experience
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Should I reunite my 2 kids(11,12) with their dad after 6 years

Resolved Question:

Should I reunite my 2 kids(11,12) with their dad after 6 years? Divoorced, moved away, my father supported us, couldn't find him to get their names changes back to my maiden name, but the judge finally said yes. His sister called me and said that he called her and said he has to find his kids. He's 53, an alchoholic, arrested 3 times in 6 years for public drunk and tresspassing. I don't know if I could live with myself if he passed and the kids never got to talk to him again. They were 5 and 6 the last time he saw them and that was when he came to visit them. It was nice the first three years after divorce taking turns to travel to each others state once a year so he could see the kids. He may be going downhill because he has not seen or taked to his kids in 6 years. The kids
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  mindhealer replied 3 years ago.
Good morning and thank you for the opportunity to help in answering your question. Based on the information you've kindly provided it sounds as though it would be appropriate to work towards reuniting your children with their father. The suggestion that I would offer is that you do so gradually given the fact that they haven't seen him in 6 years. This is in order to expose them to him and create the least amount of disruption in their life. I would start by you going to see him on your own to determine if he is emotionally stable to be around the children. What I mean by this is to ensure that he's clean and sober and is functioning well. The reason I bring this to your attention is because if he is not then there exists the potential for the children to be traumatized if they see him unkempt, slurring his speech, etc.

As long as your meeting goes well with him I would then suggest starting off by having the kids talk to him on the phone a few times and if all continues to go well with their interactions with him then it would be good to set a public place for him to see the kids with you being there the entire time.

This way you can continually supervise the interaction and it would make the process much more comfortable for the children. The reason I suggested all of the above is due to his history of substance use as well as ensuring that the children are protected psychologically.

I hope this helps in answering your question
Expert:  mindhealer replied 3 years ago.
Terribly sorry but my answer was cut short. Let me know if you have any further questions.as I want to ensure your question is completely and thoroughly answered.

If you feel I've answered your question to your satisfaction I would sincerely XXXXX XXXXX clicking the ACCEPT button thereby giving me credit for the answer. I hope this finds you well and look forward to your response.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
I was going to do all of that except call him on the phone and talk to him as he is 5 hours away, but I have other people involved. My father has supported us, bought us a home, sent me back to school to be a teacher to provide for the kids. He would be really hurt if he found out. He thinks he does not deserve to see his kids as he did not provide for them. I think it's about the kids, but I don't want to hurt him either?
Expert:  mindhealer replied 3 years ago.
I can sincerely XXXXX XXXXX position and your loyalty to your father for what he's done for you and the children. My suggestion would be to speak further with your father and tell him you understand and are respectful of his position but that you feel this is important for the children and that it would not be a regular thing such as every weekend, etc. You can also mention that you're concerned that as the children get older there is a very strong possibility that they may be resentful toward you and your father if they find out they had the opportunity to see him and that it wasn't allowed...which is certainly true and possible.

I think if you present it to your father in this manner he'd be more receptive as he sounds to be a kind and reasonable man.

Let me know if you have any further questions before clicking ACCEPT ad I want to be certain that you're satisfied with the answer and suggestions I've provided you.
mindhealer, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 693
Experience: Licensed in MD and am also a Board Certified Diplomate (Advanced Practioner) I have over 10 years experience
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