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Dr. Olsen
Dr. Olsen, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
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Experience:  PsyD Psychologist
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My husband is so rude and mean to me. I feel like walking

Resolved Question:

My husband is so rude and mean to me. I feel like walking out on the marriage. I'm not sure what to do. 
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Olsen replied 5 years ago.
Hello,
Thank you for writing in JustAnswer.
I'm sorry to hear about your situation.
Let me ask you a few questions first.
Are you open to marriage therapy again?
Is there a specific question I can assist you with?
Please let me know by clicking on “Reply” and I will then craft my response.
You are not charged until you receive a satisfying answer.
Please also allow a few hours for me to get back to you.
I look forward to hearing from you.
Warm Regards,
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

Dr. Olsen,

 

My intial response was a little vague. I am open to marriage counseling again, however, it does seem futile when my husband lied to the therapist during meetings and continued to be the same person after. Basically, we have a few "normal" problems. He lies to me about money, which has changed some, but not enteriley. He likes to buy things for himself without consulting me and it ends up leaving our bank account in the negative or worse bills not being paid. He has gotten better about this, but just last night I discovered he had spent 100 on something but he failed to tell me , I didn't bother asking.

 

That problem has been going on for years, basically since I've known him. The other thing that is so hard to put up with is his attitude. He seems so angry and distant lately. He's always been rough around the edges, but this is getting ridiculous. He constantly critizes myself, and our children. The poor kids walk around not knowing which side is up because he'll snap at them for the littlest thing. We have four children who range from 10-2 yrs old. He is never physically abusive just rude to them and belittling when he doesn't feel happy.

 

I'm so fed up I don't even want to talk to him anymore. I love him dearly and believe in "forever after" but at some point I have to wonder if he's not happy due to me and that's why he continues to berate me and our children.

 

Please help.

Expert:  Dr. Olsen replied 5 years ago.
Hi there,
Thank you for your response.
I am sorry to hear about your husband's situation.
It sounds like your husband is disrespectful, rude, and mean to you. His behavior seems immature and self-centered.
Perhaps, he may feel entitled to behave this way as he has not changed the behavior much after attending marriage counseling.
He may have mild depression and self-esteem issues as he is angry and moody around you and your kids. I also wonder if he actually may be needy emotionally as he criticizes you often.
Did you notice his behavior before you and he got married?
If so, his behavior may have to do with his temperament and emotional maturity issues.
In any case, you may need to remind him of your needs and wants and communicate your feelings with him.
Marriage therapy may be an option again unless he listens to your feelings and makes efforts to change his negative behavior around you.

Please let me know if you have more questions or I have overlooked any. Warm regards,


Dr. Olsen and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

I think he was like that before marriage it has just gotten worse as time goes on. He has to be emotionally needy when he does something new or even small things it's like he's a small child saying "look, look" or for example when he get's dressed for something (work, date, ect.) he wants my approval of his outfit, hair, shoes, you name it, even sunglasses. I wouldn't mind this at all, but he gives me generic comments like that's fine or it's fine just like the last time I told you.

 

Marriage counseling may be our only hope. I'm just not sure. Is this something he could grow out of with age? He's 28 now and we've been together 8 years. I'm 27.

Expert:  Dr. Olsen replied 5 years ago.
Hi there
Thank you for your reply.
It sounds like your husband may be emotionally needy and actually want your attention from you. Perhaps, he could be moody and a little angry when he can't get attention, praise and/or approval from you. Is he competitive towards his kids? He may not like divided attention from you at times as you two have four children.
He might grow up emotionally over time, though he may need to listen to his wife's concern and feelings and make efforts to correct some of his negative behavior.
He may benefit from seeing a psychotherapist for 3-6 months.
Please let me know if you have more questions or I have overlooked any. Warm regards,
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
thank you for your time and patience. Hopefully, I can resolve this issue and enjoy my marriage.
Expert:  Dr. Olsen replied 5 years ago.
Hi there
Any question?
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If satisfied, please click the green accept button for my work.
Thank you!

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