Let me know if you tried this before. Tell your husband that you believe that you job as a parent is to teach your stepson how to become a responsible and hard working adult who will survive in the world and be independent. Ask him if he thinks not tolerating this is teaching him how to be an independent hard working adult. Encourage your stepson by asking him about his dreams and aspirations about the future and tell him you really believe that he can do that. Children need guidance. They need to prepare for the world out there. Your husband is not teaching his son how to survive because others will have expectations of him. Talk to your husband about giving his son some responsibilities around the house such as yard work or other jobs around the house or get a job. If he does nothing around the house why should he get motivated? I wonder if you husband is afraid of losing his son and worries that his son will fly the coop. Maybe he is preventing that by his behavior because he does not want to feel the pain of the empty nest syndrome. Sometimes parents can hold kids back for their own gain. Children feel good when they have responsibilities, jobs, goals. This inactivity can lead to depression and low self esteem.