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AgapeDoc
AgapeDoc, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 197
Experience:  Dr. W. D. Nicholas will help you find solutions to life's challenging issues.
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Hi My son will be 5 next month and is as difficult as you

Resolved Question:

Hi

My son will be 5 next month and is as difficult as you can get. He is draining me as everything is a constant battle with him. Dressing, eating, going to school etc...
He has a temper issue too and often throws things about and smashes things. If he is upset with me he shouts at me and smacks me.....
reward charts only work for a little while. He is the middle child. My eldest daughter is 8 and my youngest son is 1 next month.
If he is acting like this now at age 5 i shudder to think what he will be like when he is a teen.
Do you think he needs professional help?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  AgapeDoc replied 5 years ago.

AgapeDoc :

Thanks for contacting Just Answer

AgapeDoc :

Let's see if I can help get an answer to your question....

AgapeDoc :

I am so happy you reached out here. This is right up my alley as I have dealt with many, many situations such as this over the years. You absolutely did the RIGHT thing to reach out!

AgapeDoc :

Now... I also must commend you not only for reaching out, but for wondering what this will develop into if it's not addressed right away. I can't tell you how many times I have wondered that when I deal with parents who don't want to take the time and put forth the effort to do what it takes to address the problem when children are small and there is more opportunities to make adjustments in behavior.

AgapeDoc :

I have also seen the results of situations such as this when parents do nothing about it. Those children become so out of control by the time they are teenagers that often times they get involved with drugs, have problems with the law, drop out of school, and so on.

AgapeDoc :

But it doesn't have to be that way!

Customer:

yes i agree

AgapeDoc :

The parents that I deal with that take the approach you are beginning here are able to make those adjustments and with time and EFFORT things get on track.

AgapeDoc :

And when things get on track, those same parents report to me that all the EFFORT was more than worth it.

AgapeDoc :

So.... the short answer to your question is YES. Reach out for professional help. I suggest a licensed therapist - my first choice would be a Licensed Professional Counselor. You can find one in your area simply by conducting an internet search. There are also some wonderful nonprofit agencies that may be able to help and many of these are funded by grants.

Customer:

is there anything you can suggest i can do at home with him in the interim until he gets an appointment with a doc/

AgapeDoc :

I strongly recommend that you do an internet search for an organization called Boys Town. The organization has been around for decades and they are the organization that I refer many of my clients to. They have offices all over the country.

AgapeDoc :

Yes as far as my recommendations - well you said that behavior charts only work for a short time.....

AgapeDoc :

My best advice until you get him to see a doc is to STAY CONSISTENT with you discipline. It's going to be tough for a while and things usually get worse before they get better (sorry - but that's true and if I didn't say it I would be doing you no favors) but don't give in.

Customer:

Ok, i will try to. I know i need to but with 2 other kids in the house and one baby demanding my attention all the time - its tough.

Customer:

im in the UK and we dont have a boys town....i dont think, couldnt find one

AgapeDoc :

Additionally I would make sure that I reinforce those behaviors that are desirable. Catching him doing the right thing and reinforce that behavior with verbal praise or a hug. IMPORTANT - when you do this say exactly what he did to get the the "reward" something like, "I like how you picked up your toys without being told" or "I like how your playing nicely right now"

AgapeDoc :

OOPs - I missed that you were in the UK

AgapeDoc :

OK... that's even better - get a therapist and work with him or her and you will be on your way. Just remember it will take effort and as you say you have other kids so the support of a therapist becomes even more important.

AgapeDoc :

I hope I've helped.

Customer:

yes. thank you,

Customer:

jst needed confirmation that it needed to be dealt with via a therapist and its not just attention seeking or something

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