Thank you for your patience with me getting back to you.
It sounds like you may have poor self esteem and some social difficulties as a result. However, you do not seem to have a communication issue. As I read your question, you seemed very thoughtful and you communicate well. Your ideas flow well and you get your point across. So communicating is not an issue nor is your ability to get your thoughts and feelings out. That means we are looking at something going on emotionally.
You describe your desire to be social but you also withhold your impulses to reach out by telling yourself that "normal" people would not accept you. But I want to challenge that notion. There are many people in the world and all of them have their own unique personality and traits. To think that none of them would want to be your friend and enjoy spending time with you is a false belief that you have convinced yourself is true. It is not.
Making friends with others can take many forms. You do not have to find someone, make a friend out of them then spend quality face to face time with them at appropriate intervals. You can be friends with people in many different ways. For example, I enjoy talking with you. We may only communicate via Just Answer, but it is still a relationship and I enjoy it. You can make friends through a blog, a forum, in a class setting, or just talk to someone while in a store. You don't have to form deep bonds, you can just say hi and comment on the weather. Depending on how you and that person get along, you may have just started a friendship.
You may also want to consider working on your self esteem so you feel more confident when you do communicate. Since you have already worked in therapy on some your issues, here are some self help resources to help you:
Self-Esteem: A Proven Program of Cognitive Techniques for Assessing, Improving, and Maintaining Your Self-Esteem by Matthew McKay and Patrick Fanning
The Self-Esteem Workbook by Glenn R. Schiraldi
Healing Your Emotional Self: A Powerful Program to Help You Raise Your Self-Esteem, Quiet Your Inner Critic, and Overcome Your Shame by Beverly Engel
You can find these on Amazon.com or if you have a library near you, they may have them available.
Don't let the thought that you have a disability get in your way and make you feel you are not normal. You'd be surprised at the number of people that walk around everyday with "disabilities" such as depression, anxiety, alcoholism and abuse. Many are on medication and are hurting. They just hide it well. The kind of people you want to be friends with are the kind that understand that no one is perfect and we all have issues. That is the kind of friend that will stick with you.
I would encourage you to meet your friend that is visiting your country. See him as someone who accepts you and wants to be with you. When he visits, make him feel welcome. You don't have to go all out, just be nice and spend time with him. And if you feel safe with him, tell him that you are nervous about his visit. A good friend would want to put you at ease.
Let me know if I can help any further,