I read your past questions and I have a good idea of what is going on.
People diagnosed with Borderline personality disorder do not typically hurt others to that extent. They may act out by arguing with others, fighting physically or sabotaging situations, but being homicidal is not usually found.
Predicting behavior is not an exact science. People are very diverse and differ completely in how they perceive things and how they react to them. Factors such as environment, genetics and personality all go into the choices people make and how they react. For example, you can take two children and put them in an abusive situation. One will grow up to become a nurse and go out of their way to help others and the other one may end up in jail for hurting people. It is often why when we see something on TV about someone who hurts others people will say why didn't anyone stop him? Because there was no way to tell what he was feeling and predict his behavior.
Given that, you know yourself best of all. You understand yourself and your own motivations. Although you feel out of control, you still do have control. Feelings often make us think we are out of control, when in truth we are more in control than we realize.
You have had a particularly difficult time in your past. I read what you wrote about your struggles and your attempts to get help. You mentioned going for an evaluation recently when you felt overwhelmed by your feelings. That is very positive. And you are reaching out right now with concern about your behavior and how you feel. Again, very positive. Keeping your resources close by and repeated going over them in case you feel overwhelmed again is vital. Make connections to people who you feel understand your situation and checking in with them helps as well.
You may also want to consider spiritual help. You mentioned many times feeling out of control and like you wanted to get away from yourself, remake yourself or escape. I have found that when people feel that way, they need something to help them that is beyond the everyday help that people can offer. Try talking to a pastor, or if that makes you feel uncomfortable, there are numerous resources on line that can help. Here is a site to help you get started (it is only a suggestion. there are other options on line):
Let me know if I can help any further,