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Thanks for contacting Just Answer.... Let me see if I can answer your question here...
I understand the situation you are in and it is a very difficult one for sure. It would be easy to minimize it and say to just end the relationship with your former classmate, but that is much easier said than done.
I say this because, as you have pointed out, he is bringing back some excitement that you are missing terribly - he is filling a void. A void that is real, and one that you should be able to have filled - that is to say, there is no shame in wanted intimacy and physical companionship... sex from your mate.
It's an old friendship that my husband has never liked, hates him in fact. He was my almost "first" while my husband was my first, but the older relationship was purely physical, still is. Hard to give up the feeling he starts in me.
It was a relationship from my early teens.
The question seems to be in your case... and by the way, I see this issue often (so don't feel like you are the only one) ..... how do you fill this void with your husband when he doesn't seem to recognize it?
I want to feel this way with my husband
You are faced with some tough choices... and what you have pointed says that this brings out youthful feelings which makes it even more difficult :(
You have just defined your issue exactly as I was getting to - but you did it so that's even better :)
I'm a critical care nurse...Lots of psychology used daily
Just can't distance myself from this problem.
It seems that (even though it won't be easy - WOW WHAT AN UNDERSTATEMENT!) it's clear that you must confront your husband and make it clear that you need more intimacy... and dare I say it .... or else!!! Of course put in a nice way :)
You must replace what you have with your former classmate with something from your husband...... it's just a matter of doing it - I think you know what you have to do... sorry to be so up front, but I can't do it ... no one but YOU can.
I've tried talking to him...Unfortunately, some of the issue is that he won't let me actually tell him what happened before..It's the crux of then problem. The old "flame" had more finesse at 14 then my husband has at 50
He can still make me feel the way he did then just by the way he talks to me. He's ALWAYS been able to do so. I tried to bury the response to him in high school, but it backfired. Without being able to tell my then boyfriend/future husband what had happened before, I was also unable to tell him what I needed for many years. Love can't always conquer all.
How do you tell the one you love that an event that happened so long ago can still effect you so strongly and that it was with the one person he despises most? How do you explain someone who is able to bring you to orgasm without even touching you?