How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask AgapeDoc Your Own Question

AgapeDoc
AgapeDoc, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 197
Experience:  Dr. W. D. Nicholas will help you find solutions to life's challenging issues.
55589990
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
AgapeDoc is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

Ive been married 28 years to a wonderful man, good provider,

Resolved Question:

I've been married 28 years to a wonderful man, good provider, great dad to our kids, but his interest in sex has declined and mine has increased since becoming empty nesters. Very frustrating for me and he doesn't seem to understand. Have recently been talking to an old high school classmate online...has led to chatting. He's also married, but excites me and makes me feel sexy and young. It's become an outlet for me sexually. Trying to use the excitement to add spark to my relationship with my husband. Neither I nor my friend have any intention of leaving our spouses, but if my husband ever figures out who I have been talking to, I know he will be angry.I'm caught in between knowing we should end the online chat and never wanting the excitement to end. I don't want to hurt my husband or my kids. I just want my h
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  AgapeDoc replied 3 years ago.

AgapeDoc :

Thanks for contacting Just Answer.... Let me see if I can answer your question here...

AgapeDoc :

I understand the situation you are in and it is a very difficult one for sure. It would be easy to minimize it and say to just end the relationship with your former classmate, but that is much easier said than done.

AgapeDoc :

I say this because, as you have pointed out, he is bringing back some excitement that you are missing terribly - he is filling a void. A void that is real, and one that you should be able to have filled - that is to say, there is no shame in wanted intimacy and physical companionship... sex from your mate.

Customer:

It's an old friendship that my husband has never liked, hates him in fact. He was my almost "first" while my husband was my first, but the older relationship was purely physical, still is. Hard to give up the feeling he starts in me.

Customer:

It was a relationship from my early teens.

AgapeDoc :

The question seems to be in your case... and by the way, I see this issue often (so don't feel like you are the only one) ..... how do you fill this void with your husband when he doesn't seem to recognize it?

Customer:

yes

Customer:

I want to feel this way with my husband

AgapeDoc :

You are faced with some tough choices... and what you have pointed says that this brings out youthful feelings which makes it even more difficult :(

Customer:

Unresolved issues...

AgapeDoc :

You have just defined your issue exactly as I was getting to - but you did it so that's even better :)

Customer:

I'm a critical care nurse...Lots of psychology used daily

Customer:

Just can't distance myself from this problem.

AgapeDoc :

It seems that (even though it won't be easy - WOW WHAT AN UNDERSTATEMENT!) it's clear that you must confront your husband and make it clear that you need more intimacy... and dare I say it .... or else!!! Of course put in a nice way :)

AgapeDoc :

You must replace what you have with your former classmate with something from your husband...... it's just a matter of doing it - I think you know what you have to do... sorry to be so up front, but I can't do it ... no one but YOU can.

Customer:

I've tried talking to him...Unfortunately, some of the issue is that he won't let me actually tell him what happened before..It's the crux of then problem. The old "flame" had more finesse at 14 then my husband has at 50

Customer:

He can still make me feel the way he did then just by the way he talks to me. He's ALWAYS been able to do so. I tried to bury the response to him in high school, but it backfired. Without being able to tell my then boyfriend/future husband what had happened before, I was also unable to tell him what I needed for many years. Love can't always conquer all.

Customer:

How do you tell the one you love that an event that happened so long ago can still effect you so strongly and that it was with the one person he despises most? How do you explain someone who is able to bring you to orgasm without even touching you?

AgapeDoc, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 197
Experience: Dr. W. D. Nicholas will help you find solutions to life's challenging issues.
AgapeDoc and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
< Last | Next >
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
  • I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well! Claudia Albuquerque, NM
  • Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion. Kevin Beaverton, OR
  • Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
    I feel better already! Thank you.
    Elanor Tracy, CA
  • Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem. Julie Lockesburg, AR
  • You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions. John and Stefanie Tucson, AZ
  • I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!! Janet V Phoenix, AZ
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/Dr.Keane/2013-8-20_204325_drkeane.64x64.jpg Dr. Keane's Avatar

    Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    5024
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC's Avatar

    Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    3733
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/DrAkiraOlsen/2012-2-20_746_AkiraADpicmain.64x64.jpg Dr. Olsen's Avatar

    Dr. Olsen

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2336
    PsyD Psychologist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg Norman M.'s Avatar

    Norman M.

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2193
    UK trained in hypnotherapy, counselling and psychotherapy and have been in private practice. ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), UKCP Registered and ECP.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/PsychologyProf/2010-07-15_171248_logos060400409.jpg Dr. Michael's Avatar

    Dr. Michael

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2177
    Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KURTEMMERLING/2010-07-23_215531_just_ask_picture1.jpg Steven Olsen's Avatar

    Steven Olsen

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1727
    More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education
 
 
 
Chat Now With A Mental Health Professional
AgapeDoc
AgapeDoc
Mental Health Professional
197 Satisfied Customers
Dr. W. D. Nicholas will help you find solutions to life's challenging issues.