Thanks for writing back to JA.
This is, as you well know, the hardest part of working with someone who is suffering. You can try everything within your power to get them the help they need... but if they refuse to get it, then you have to make certain that you're taking care of yourself.
With regard to getting her into treatment, because she is no longer a minor, she can legally make her own decisions about treatment. Now, it is possible for you to "strongarm" her... this could include threatening to remove her from the house, calling an ambulance to have her evaluated and taken into treatment, or staging an "intervention." Unless she is deemed incompetent or in immediate danger to herself and/or others, legally there is nothing you can do.
HOWEVER, you need to answer some difficult questions for yourself:
---> How much verbal and emotional abuse are you willing to tolerate? What is your "breaking point?" What will be the consequences if your daughter continues to be verbally or emotionally abusive to you - or if she crosses that breaking point? Are you (and is your family) willing to abide by the consequences you lay down?
----> How are you handling the stress
of having a daughter in your house who is saying things that disturb you? You indicate that you are "very upset" and that your daughter "seems to enjoy seeing you in that state." Is this state dangerous to you? How is it impacting other members of the family? What are you doing to keep yourself safe and other members of your family (besides your daughter) safe?
These may not seem like important questions, but they are. Right now, your daughter's illness has gotten you tangled up in her emotional state. Therapists might say that you have become "enmeshed" in your daughter's problems - and aren't able to think or feel "straight" right now. (Don't worry - you're not crazy... this is part of living with family members who are going through a difficult time.)
Seeing a family therapist FOR YOURSELF might be very very very helpful. It will allow you to address the questions I listed above (--->) and begin to sort out what needs to happen with your daughter. It will also model for your daughter the route to healthiness. Yes, I'm sure she wants nothing to do with you right now... but going to sort this out with a professional will help you and (in the long run) help her.
Once you are disentangled from your daughter's emotional upset, you'll be able to think and feel more clearly - and establish clear boundaries that will allow YOU to function better and YOUR DAUGHTER to function better.
The other last reason I'm recommending that you consider therapy is (again, not because you're crazy...) because right now, you can't get your daughter into therapy. She said so herself. Well, you still have to deal with her - and your own emotions. You can't do anything to help her - but you can help yourself. And you deserve to.
When you take off in an airplane, the flight attendants always tell you, "in the event of an emergency" to put the oxygen mask on YOURSELF before helping out the kids around you. Same thing applies here. You're officially in "an emergency." Take care of yourself FIRST (because it's all you can take care of) and then, if she'll let you, take care of her.
I do wish you the best of luck. I know that there will be some painful days ahead. I strongly urge you to consider what I've suggested.
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