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Doctor Kevin
Doctor Kevin, Ph.D.
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1482
Experience:  25 years in private practice
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Im in a long-distance relationship with a man who has an eight year old son. I am a

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I'm in a long-distance relationship with a man who has an eight year old son. I am always the one making trips to see him, because he won't leave the child with his ex-wife...the boy wants to stay with his dad, and he always gives in. I don't think abuse is involved at all..she loves him but just doesn't know how to be a mother...she is very career-oriented and is always on the phone or computer. My boyfriend needs a break though, and I want him to make a trip to where I live. He won't seek therapy - he says it won't help but I think he should try to do something - it's affecting our relationship and making him very stressed and upset. Plus, the kid needs to spend time with his mother, even if she's not the ideal parent. I suggested therapy with the three of them to try to improve the mother/child relationship, but he says it's all her problem. I feel he's just giving up and not willing to take any action, and I'm wondering if I'm wasting my time.

Dr.Kappler :

You are the one who wants to change this relationship and I can see the love you have for your boyfriend. For him his duties as a father are more important than his relationship with you. You may have good insight as to where the boy's mother is going wrong but no one in that family wants to confront her or change things. It is not your place to suggest that the boy's mother has bad priorities. I think you should accept the father son package and see if the two of them will enjoy a trip with you. Have you heard your boyfriend complain about being a full time father?

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