I have been having a very difficult time with pain associated with my illness. Particularly these last few days. I have been suffering a lot (autoimmune disease). And am considering taking steroids to cal it down some.
My husband is generally not good with emotional connects, and is very functional.
This hurts me a lot (his emotional limitations). My therapist after meeting with him,
Asked me to reconsider what he is capable of and what I can reasonably expect by
Way of emotional connection which the therapist also acknowledges his limits.
However, now that I suffer so much, my emotional needs are much greater.
Not only is he limited in what he can give me, but he goes out of his way to
Do activities with kids and connects more with them than me. Sometimes
He is giving me equal attention, but mostly he puts kids needs before my needs.
What's difficult is that I come from a home with neglect
, and he comes from
A home where kids come first. He tries to spend more time with me but today
When I am so in need, he failed. In fact he went to go play tennis with my son,
When I have tune worst pain ever. And yesterdaycwhen I tried talking about my
Suffering, he was looking at the blackberry not giving me any attention, giving me
Half answers. When I sat in the waiting room with him today, he was standing
Looking at the blackberry, never once sat down next to me. He always looks
At the blackberry when at home. I know he is trying to show care when he gives
Me fruit, or goes to work, or fixes my car, or helps with dishes, ect..
Ut he is highly functional which helps a lot. Ut what I need the most is emotional
Support. I am hurting, on the curve of tears and he is going to play tennis?
He admits putting kids before me because my son suffers with depression.
What abput me? How do I feel? I am scared (due to pain). And it totally
Takes Way from my concentration. And when I look over at him, I see a
Functional man. Thats all I see. He is limited emotionally even when I am
Not suffering. Now that my emotional needs are increased, he is an alien.
No intimacy, no connection beyond the surface. He knows I am hurt.
He told moe he will make time for me tomorrow. Why bother?
I thought I could deal with his limits, because I have limits too.
I have physical limits due to my illness, but it is too hard. He often
Puts kids before me. I feel alone, isolated, in pain, with no real
Support (except financial and physical help which is admirable).
But their is nothing beyond that. Advice please? I try to talk to my
Friends, and have a support group online, but when I look at him,
It feels hollow. I see it as either acceptance or not. Be ause it hurts
Me so much, I am looking for other ways to reduce the pain, or
Try to reach a level of acceptance. Thank you.