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Ask Dr. Shirley Schaye Your Own Question

Dr. Shirley Schaye
Dr. Shirley Schaye, Doctor
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1673
Experience:  PhD-Psych; Certif. Psychoanalyst NPAP& NYFS; Memb.APsaA;IPA; Pub.Author; Teach/Supervise Therapy
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I have reached a point with my daughter where I am at at loss

Customer Question

I have reached a point with my daughter where I am at at loss of what to do for the best. She had a long term relationship which ended in April last year. She was young and he had mental health issues, they also partook in drugs on a regular basis (mainly canabis but occasionally meth and cocaine). The slip was not nice resulting in him cutting his wrists and begging her to have him back. She admits now she still loved him but couldnt live like that anymore. Since then she has not been able to trust any other lad. She compares them all to him and I have discovered she still checks his facebook via a friend. She states she hates him and blames him for everything. She did relent a little 6 months after the split and agreed for him to come on holiday which was booked prior to the split. He was hopeful they could sort things but things were strained to say the least. My real problem is however that her manner and behaviour are now making her very unpopular and she is loosing friends. She drinks too much when she goes out and wants to be centre of attension with all lads (giving off the completely wrong signals) her self respect has gone, she is sleeping with lots of different boys and still doing canabis. She is however holding down a job. Everytime she starts to think about a relationship it lasts no more than a week or so and usually in alot of nastiness with her throwing vial insults. I love my daughter but just dont know what to do to help her get her life back on track. She cant see she is doing anything wrong but has absolutely no respect for anyone else or it seems herself. Everything always comes back to this boy, it is like she cant or wont move on.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Shirley Schaye replied 3 years ago.

Dr. Shirley Schaye :
  • Thank you for contacting Just Answer. I am so...ooo very sorry to hear about what is going on.My heart goes out to you. The major issue beyond her problems is her age. I don't know the laws where you are. I assuming it is in the UK --- am I correct? If where you are, she is considered a major then there is nothing you can do to force her to get help. We will need to chat to see how to get around this so that she will want to go on her own. She DESPERATELY needs therapy. I don't think I need to tell you that. I see that she has been in counseling. It probably wasn't the best counselor. She needs someone who has extensive post graduate treatment so that the therapist could really help her work things out instead of being not much more an ear to listen to her or TELL her what she needs to do. If she was able to do it she would.
Dr. Shirley Schaye :

So I am now going to move to finding out more about what is going on at home and see if the two of us can figure out a way to MAKE her go to therapy.

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

Is she still in high school or in college? Who supports her financially? If she is going to college, who pays?

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

I see you are standing By but not responding so maybe you are offline.I'll await your response to continue with our chat so we can figure out how to make her go for help. She certainly is heading down a very, very destructive path that cannot be continued.

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

Oh, I see you went from Standing BY to going offline.

Customer :

She is currently working so financially apart from living at home supports herself

Customer :

My husband and I are at home my older son has recently moved out and now lives with his girlfriend. Our marriage has had problems but we have now worked through that and are happy.

Customer :

I am in the UK and would be extremely keen to chat to you about this and hear how things may done to sort this I will be online tomorrow afternoon around 2pm UK time and hopefully will be able to catch up with you then

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

Hi, I guess we missed one another. Since she won't go for help, you have to still sit down with her AGAIN and tell her that she is destroying her life and it breaks your heart to watch her do this.

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

Again, I'll pause here and await your response so that hopefully we may chat about this.

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

I'll check back later to see if you have entered anything.

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Dr. Shirley Schaye
Dr. Shirley Schaye
1423 Satisfied Customers
PhD-Psych; Certif. Psychoanalyst NPAP& NYFS; Memb.APsaA;IPA; Pub.Author; Teach/Supervise Therapy