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psychlady, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 6892
Experience:  Psychotherapist specializing in the treatment of a variety of mental health issues.
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My future mother in law has recently begun emailing me behind

Customer Question

My future mother in law has recently begun emailing me behind my fiance's back every time he's gone at work for 14 days and has made abrasive and ugly comments about me, my mothering /fiancee duties toward him, telling me how to live my life and treat her son. And if i do try to be honest with her or send her an email/text, She forwards only her responses to him that make her look good in his eyes. I'm an emotional wreck because I dont know how to approach my fiance and tell him she is making me cry daily (32 emails back and forth in 1 day alone)because he is an only child, 36 year old, never been married, no kids, etc... and apparently, has been telling her everything about our relationship (even very intimate issues we have). She also acts as his best friend and sounding board because his male friends give him no good relationship advice when he disagrees with me on an issue? I try so hard to "stand up" for myself but still respect her but cant take anymore emotional upset from her.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.

You have to stand up for yourself. Not to the point where it becomes a power struggle but enough to let her know that you won't take the intimidation of these constant emails. That many emails is insane. Unfortunately if she is sending these emails she is entrenched in being the go between in your relationship. You have to address this. You have to be honest and firm in responding to this problem. Let her know that you will hear her opinion but then you are standing firm in taking up for yourself. Tell her to back off but be respectful.


As far as your fiancee he is the one allowing this dysfunction. It isn't natural to have one's mother so into a relationship when you are an adult. You have to work on this as a couple even if you have counseling because this will ruin the relationship. Sooner or later you are going to feel that he is choosing mom.


Look into some short term counseling

psychlady and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
i already feel he is choosing her because in the past i have tried to "beat around the bush" and "feel him out' to see how he might take it through bringing up hypothetical scenarios to him verbally or tell him a very little of something she has said....and he knows she's got a sharp tongue but has told me either "she's going through menopause...problems in her probably took what she said the wrong way...if i read what she sent you i could interpret it for you"...etc So i almost feel im gonna have to tell him these things in front of a counselor so he doesnt react in anger towards me "talking bad about his mom" and might accept it better?
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.

It is a very delicate situation. Mother has this role in his life that is much longer than yours. You may have to show him that there needs to be compromise over a long period of time. He may not accept it right away but it is possible to get him to come around. There is no other way to resolve this then to get him on board.