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Doctor Kevin
Doctor Kevin, Ph.D.
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1482
Experience:  25 years in private practice
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i have a complicated relationship with my best friend. i am

Customer Question

i have a complicated relationship with my best friend. i am obsessional about the relationship, and she doesnt like me anymore. she never calls, she never makes plans, she doesnt pay attention to me and she treats all her other best friends the warm loving way she used to treat me. it is very hard. she said today she needed a break and i am devestated that her life will go on without me. i am anxious about her not being a part of my life. i just want things to be good and close the way it used to be but she wants nothing at all to do with me.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Doctor Kevin replied 5 years ago.

Dr.Kappler :

You are fighting the tide. Your friend has made it clear and all you can do is send them a letter asking what went wrong specifically what you did wrong and have caused this situation. You need to conclude it with saying that you will respect that person's desires and stick to it. You then need to achieve some closure on this relationship and go on from there. You must call off your attempts to get close to them and accept their desire.

JACUSTOMER-x396hbr1- :

we have had a relationship where we are super close then something happens then get super close again and now we are in a phase where she has pulled away. do you think there is a chance of her and i becoming close friends again or is it over forever?

JACUSTOMER-x396hbr1- :

are you there?

JACUSTOMER-x396hbr1- :

this was not helpful to pay money to get one mediocore answer and not be able to finish the conversation, where did you go?

JACUSTOMER-x396hbr1- :

hello??

Dr.Kappler :

I am sorry this site is not set up for chat sessions and you are not the first to feel you have been left hanging. In the future let the expert know quickly that you are avalible and want to chat because from this end it is staring at an unmoving screen for a long time when there are other questions needing answers. As to your question yes I think that since you were that close in the past there is no clear reason for the break up and no change in your behaviors that you can see, I would just let this one be until they contact you. Think of all the close relationships you have had in the past. Those people still remember you8 as well. The internet is allowing us to remake those connections now like never before.

JACUSTOMER-x396hbr1- :

this definetley was not as helpful as i expected to pay for the money i did. there are spelling mistakes in your response and im a bit confused on what you are trying to tell me to do in response to my clear question,

Dr.Kappler :

I apologize for the technical errors. I will try to condense my response and make it more sufficient. Let me restate your question. You are experiencing a change in a very close friend who has decided to terminate the relationship. You can find no clear reason on your part for her doing that. You are experiencing devastating feelings of loss and separation as well as jealousy for the way she treats other friends. You are asking for help in bringing some closure to your relationship as well as dealing with your feelings of loss. My response was to say that first you must accept this decision on her part and honor it. Second you must look into the relationship to see what you could have done to prevent this from happening. You need to see if there were any signs that she was unhappy with you that you missed and could learn from. You need to see yourself more objectively to find out how you might improve on your ability to maintain a close friendship and keep the communication open and honest. Lastly you need to come to terms with your feelings of loss and grief over this decision on her part. This morning will take some time to heal. Then you asked if there was a chance that you may be close friends again in the future and I replied that it may be a possibility since you were close once. I asked you to remember all the people you were close to in your life and think of the possibility of rekindling those friendships. I concluded by reminding you that with the current age of the internet that it was even more of a possibility today than before. I hope this was more clear and helpful in answering your specific questions.