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TherapistMarryAnn
TherapistMarryAnn, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5804
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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I have been seeing a man for 3yrs now. We met through a dating

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I have been seeing a man for 3yrs now. We met through a dating site, and when we actually met..it was like fireworks. He is divorced with two sons whom he absolutely adores. I have not met them. He has his own business and about 3 months into our relationship he became distant. I kept asking him what was wrong, was it me contacting him when he was busy etc. Eventually he told me that his house was due to be reposessed due to his "ex wife" failing to make monetary payments.. He never asked for the money but through conversations with him, and his obvious distress I felt obliged to help him.. and so it's continued. I have never had any appreciation from him, no night out nothing.

I have made such sacrifices for him, and when I've asked for the money back, he has said 1) Am waiting for money owed to me 2) Caz has posted the cheque as I'm out of the country on business 3) The money has been paid into your a/c I've got proof leave me alone 4) Give me your address I'll send you a cheque for what I owe, then leave me alone to get on with my life.

You're probably wondering what the hell I was thinking of? I do know that his Mother committed suicide, that he was physically abused in foster care, and that he's addicted to porn sites.

I found out that he's been a past bankcrupt, and have to say that all the directors have been women. When I've asked him about this.. and I do admit through "challenging" texts he's accused me of stalking him, and threatened to block my telephone numbers and repay me entirely so that "I can get you out of my life and find a nice lady who will appreciate my privacy and fulfill my fantasies, because you're full of SxxT"

I am at rock bottom financially, which I understand is through my own stupid fault. I am drinking heavily, buy stupid things as a way of comfort, can't sleep, eat crap, don't want to socialise, and just can't see a way out of this mess. xx
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  TherapistMarryAnn replied 5 years ago.

Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.

 

It sounds like you have been emotionally abused by this man. He has used you. And now he is angry and using his outbursts against you when you ask for your money back.

 

His history of being abused is bad, but it does not give him the right to hurt you as a result. He should not have borrowed the money if he had no intention of paying it back.

 

This is a relationship you need to get out of right now. Do not contact him again. If you choose to still pursue getting your money back, use legal means. Contact an attorney or if you have local civil courts that will hear your case without an attorney, go that route. Allow the legal system to work for you so you no longer have to contact this man.

 

In the meanwhile, start caring for yourself. This man has taken his negative emotions out on you but that does not mean you have to believe it. Consider seeing another therapist to help you work out how you feel about this and get you back on track. To find a therapist, talk to your doctor about a referral. Or, if you attend church, talk with your pastor about how you feel. You can also search on line at http://www.bacp.co.uk/ or http://www.cpdirectory.com/cgi-bin/index.pl. You may have already tried therapy and that is ok, but you may need some additional therapy if the first time did not help you resolve how you feel.

 

Here are some other resources that can help you:

 

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm

 

Encouragements for the Emotionally Abused Woman: Wisdom and Hope for Women at Any Stage of Emotional Abuse Recovery by Beverly Engel

 

Verbal Abuse Survivors Speak Out; On relationship and recovery by XXXXX XXXXX

 

You can find these books on Amazon.com or your local library may have them for you.

 

Let me know if I can be of further assistance,

 

Kate

TherapistMarryAnn and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  TherapistMarryAnn replied 5 years ago.

I haven't heard from you. Did you have more questions or want clarification?

 

Kate