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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5423
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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my husband has been having an affir with a chinese girl 34

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my husband has been having an affir with a chinese girl 34 years yunger than him for the last three yearswhilst we lived in Chin. Eventually the compny returned us to the uk last september.previously i was on cpiralax but that did nothing for my mental state. i am in permenent fear of him contacting her again, so mobiles , computer, chinese people all instal lhigh levels of anxiety. i have seen a cognitive behaviuoral therapist she said I was suffering from post trtaumatic stress syndronre. I cant get on with my life the girlis permeanently in my mind.I feel high levels of anxiety all the time Would anothe rtype of antidepressant help
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 3 years ago.

Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.

 

Another anti depressant might help. But I do agree with your counselor, you are traumatized by what happened with your husband's affair.

 

What you can do instead is focus on resolving how you feel about the affair. You need to work through the feelings so you can have peace.

 

First, what is your husband's reaction to the affair and you finding out about it? Is he sorry? Has he tried to make amends? Has he been to therapy with you to try to work this out?

 

Also, he needs to allow you to ask anything you need to about the affair. When he had the affair, he broke your marriage vows and let a stranger into your marriage. Because of that, he broke the trust between you, which is the basic foundation for any marriage. Since he was the one to do this, he needs to allow you to do what you will to regain your trust. For example, you should be able to ask any questions you want to, call him anytime you need to, and he needs to give you an idea of where he will be all day, each day until you feel comfortable that he is trustworthy.

 

If your husband will not do these things, he may no longer be trustworthy enough to be married to. You may need to decide if you want to stay in a marriage where your partner cannot be trusted and puts his own needs before yours.

 

You can also help yourself. Here are some resources to get you started:

 

Transcending Post-infidelity Stress Disorder (PISD): The Six Stages of Healing by Dennis C. Ortman

 

Infidelity: A Survival Guide by Don-David Lusterman

 

Surviving Infidelity: Making Decisions, Recovering from the Pain, 3rd Edition by Rona B. Subotnik and Gloria Harris

 

You can find these books on Amazon.com or your local library may have them for you.

 

Talk to your doctor about trying another anti depressant to help you deal with how you feel until you can heal from this. A trauma like this may take a while to work through, but you will get through it and come out stronger.

 

I hope this has helped,

Kate

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 3 years ago.

I haven't heard from you. Did you have more questions or want clarification?

 

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5423
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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