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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5469
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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Can help with relationship problems on this

Resolved Question:

Can help with relationship problems on this
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 3 years ago.

Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.

 

Can you describe what the issue is?

 

Thanks,

Kate

Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Can help with relationship problems on this. I woulder how much time you have on this. To start I let an old girl friend move in afteer she broke-up her boyfriend of two years. She had the intention to become relationship with me. so in the last week I saw in her email, that I veiwed perseing another man. So I have been paying all her bills and expenses. there is more to this I dont know if there is time for this. trying to make some sence of this

 

Customer: replied 3 years ago.
One thing that happened is that she is on a web sight called sugardaddy and I saw some of the chat that was some what racey And has been on a trip that she said is with her girl freinds in Las vagas and shes there now and has been for about 7 days. So she not returned anycalls except for texs that have been shore or evasive to some extent.
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 3 years ago.

It sounds like this girl is not intending on being faithful to you. She may be using you at this point so you will pay for her way until she finds another relationship to be in and therefore someone else to support her.

 

This may not be a situation you want to be involved in. You can ask her to leave if you wish to. There is no reason you cannot help her find alternative housing but just not with you.

 

There is no time limit on your question. You can ask what you need until your question has been answered. Just Answer will then ask you to accept the question if you are happy with your answer.

 

Let me know if I can help you any further,


Kate

Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Its not confermed it look obvios I hoping to make a good and kind jesture that I can use so that there no mad or hatefull blowups. Is there some way to sooth this and be on good terms leaving or what ever you can sugest on woman piont of view.
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 3 years ago.

You can always tell her that your circumstances have changed and you cannot have a roommate right now. You can also say that you need help with the housing expenses which will probably cause her to move out since she does not probably want to contribute. Anything you can think of that is a good reason to be by yourself and tell her she needs to move on. You don't have to be angry or mean about it. Anything you tell her can be said in a gentle tone that is kind and friendly. Also, offer to help her find another place to stay. That will help as well.

 

Kate

Customer: replied 3 years ago.

I trying to make sence of my feelings knowning that I feel for her and would not just tall her to move on. under the circumstance's that should be.

I did tell her she could stay as long as she wanted to with the intent that she would be backat her own home witch is have renters . although the problem too she said she will move out the first of the year But with this going on I feel very used as though I did something wrong too . And would I need to get myself check for sound jugment I wounder. I hope I dont take to much of your time my own felings are taking a sence of sorrow is this normal.
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 3 years ago.

I understand. But in this case, she is counting on your feelings for her so she can keep using you. If she felt the same for you as you feel for her, she would not be on the internet looking up sex sites and traveling to Vegas without talking to you.

 

This is what you need to keep in mind when you ask her to leave. There is nothing wrong with you asking her to go after you said she could stay as long as she wanted. She has not left when you both agreed she should at the beginning of the year and she is telling you she wants to be with you but yet she is using you and acting out with others. This is not what you agreed on I'm sure.

 

I understand you feel sad about it. It is normal for you to feel this way about the relationship. But this is not a healthy relationship for you to be in. Take time to mourn the relationship then move on to a healthier one.

 

Kate

 

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5469
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

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