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Hi, it's nice to work with you again.
Your friend sounds like she may have a personality disorder. Her range of emotions is a sign that she is not responding normally to this situation. She goes from supportive to tearful to explosive. Even considering that she has a serious illness, she should not be responding to you in that way.
It also sounds like she feels betrayed. She "owned" you for a long time, having your exclusive attention, and now she has to give you back to your husband. To her there was a bond between the two of you and your husband was the enemy. Now you are bonded again to your husband and she is left out, although that is not really the case, that is what she feels.
There is nothing you did wrong. This reaction is about her and her emotional health. She most likely remained your friend because she got a lot out of your relationship for herself, not so much because she helped you. She felt needed and wanted by your dependence on her for support. She felt important as well. And for some reason, the drama of the relationship appealed to her. By repairing things with your husband, you removed her ability to be the center of your life and now she no longer has control over you.
If she was truly your friend and cared about you, she would be happy for you that your marriage is on the mend. Any friend is going to put you before her and feel that when things are going well with you, she is happy.
You may want to consider letting this friendship go. It is not a healthy one and unless your friend sees that she needs help with her problem, she is not likely to change.
I hope this helps,
It sounds like your friend developed a personality disorder from something that occurred in her childhood, maybe abuse or some other type of trauma. Most people who have been abused develop deep needs they continually try to get fulfilled throughout their lives. She sounds like she may have this problem.
She is considering ending the friendship because she feels she can no longer get what she wants from you. Her unfulfilled needs are no longer being tended to so she wants to withdrawal and try to find another way to fulfill them.
There is no way for me to know what happened to her and how or why she reacted the way she did without talking to her in a therapeutic evaluation. People are very diverse and everyone reacts differently to traumas, abuses and other negative things that happen to them.
You most likely will never be able to fulfill her needs. She must get help and gain insight in order to be able to fix this problem.
You are very welcome! I enjoyed working with you again.
That is ok. I am glad to be of further help to you.
It could be a control issue. The evidence is that she became upset when you went back with your husband. She no longer was the focus and she could no longer have control over you. You would not react the same way to her because you no longer needed her in the same way. So her emotional outbursts and other drama did not have the same effect. Because of that, she wants to end the friendship.
This has nothing to do with you or you being good enough to her. This is totally her issue and something she needs to work out.
Manipulation is part of mental illness. In this case, it probably is manifesting itself as a personality disorder.
Her way of controlling you is trying to end the relationship, telling you she "has to think about it". She is trying to make you feel guilty, which as you said works with you because you feel part of this, if not the whole thing, is your fault.
Yes, she does not contact you for days to play into your guilt as a way of controlling you. If she withholds her attention, you will feel bad and "beg" for her to talk to you and be your friend. It's a game, one she probably is not aware she is playing. But somewhere in her background, probably through abuse, she learned how to play this so she can get attention and guilt someone into being her friend. She does not understand the regular way to have a relationship so she uses this dysfunctional way to get what she feels she needs.
You are welcome! I am glad to help.
I am not surprised her son is a therapist. And he may be right with his diagnosis.
You are right, in the long run, this relationship is not going to work for you as you become healthier and she is stuck in her ways. Hopefully someday she will see that this is not working for her and she will start to work on getting better.
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