Thanks for contacting Just Answer. Let's see if I can help here....
OK... You have asked a very good question here!
One that does not have an easy answer!
yes, I realize that
However, I have been down this road (actually a very similar one) with other clients so here we go....
and I do realize it is a matter of opinion too
You are so right about that.
some people do not view oral sex as actually having "real" sex either
If you take a traditional Christian/Biblical view then it is cheating. The Bible says that if you lust in your heart you are committing a sin. If you take a more Humanistic view, then we create our own reality and right and wrong is relative.
However, it's not even that simple... there are mitigating circumstances. You have been denied sex from your husband (essentially) and you have needs and desires - you are only human for goodness sake.
I know you asked for my opinion and I will give it to you if you want, but in my experience my clients have found more success coming to their own realization about this topic.
I have come to my own realization, but I would like to hear your opinion please
This is because you can find ample people on either side of the fence on this topic - so in your case for instance you answer today would depend on which psychologist picked up your question. Ok.. you want my opinion and I have given you my caveat above. My opinion is that this is cheating - please understand that my morals and ethics come into play here - there are other experts who disagree with me. I am a Christian as well as a psychologist so that is important for you to know.
yes, I understand that, I do. I consider myself a Christian too, but I also feel, for some reason, that God understands.
I guess I don't feel it is cheating in the same sense as it would be in my real life being with a man in a bed
maybe I am just fooling myself, can't really answer that question
I agree with you that God understands - I totally agree with you on that. And I don't blame you by any means. I am aware of the struggles that people in your situation have so I don't minimize this at all. However, I must say as a psychologist and a Christian that every time and every effort you put into this virtual world is time and effort not put into your relationship with your husband.
Would your husband forgive you?
I think he would
I think he would even understand
Have you considered discussing with him?
we have a good relationship except for the lack of the physical part
and he just tells me he is sorry, that he is too tired
I hate to bring the topic up any more
we hug each other and kiss, but that is all
we enjoy being together and doing things together
It sounds to me like you have done what you can. And of course it's hard to bring it up further.
I never thought it would be like this
I wish I did not have such a strong desire for sex
I have talked to my doctor
he tells me I am lucky to have those feelings and desires
sometimes I wish I did not
I would suggest that you continue to hug and kiss and enjoy each other. Continue to get your satisfaction as you have been but remember that it's only make believe and your husband and you love each other. There is nothing wrong with wanting sex.
Don't feel guilty - it's natural.
yes, I do love him and I know he loves me, and I wish so much we could make love, I miss that so much