How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Doctor Blake Your Own Question

Doctor Blake
Doctor Blake, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 146
Experience:  Ph.D., Ed.S., NCSP Clinical Psychologist; 15+ years of experience; dual licensure
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
Doctor Blake is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

My husband and I have been together for 15 years. For most

Resolved Question:

My husband and I have been together for 15 years. For most of those years I have been unhappy. We have tried counseling, talking, etc. I am finally completely out of love with him and want out. He wants to give the marriage another chance. Do I try one more time or move on?
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Doctor Blake replied 3 years ago.

Doctor Blake :

Good morning and welcome to JA.

Doctor Blake :

I'm sorry to hear that you're experiencing difficulties with your marriage at this point... although it appears that you have been struggling for many many years.

Doctor Blake :

I am most suprised that you have decided it was worth asking, "do I try one more time or move on?"

Doctor Blake :

This statement doesn't match the previous one: "I am finally completely out of love with him and want out."

Doctor Blake :

So, if the second statement is true - about wanting out - why would you be seeking permission?

Doctor Blake :

Guilt? Fear? Hope?

Customer:

I am out of love with him, but he is not out of love with me and i was raised very reliously to not divorce.

Customer:

It's guilt. I'll crush him when i leave.

Doctor Blake :

CHOICE: what will be harder to live with: (a) leaving him and residual feelings of guilt toward him/religious community or (b) staying with a man you don't love. ...?

Doctor Blake :

If the answer is it will be harder to stay, then you must go. If the answer is, it will be harder to leave... then yes, indeed, for your own well-being, you may need to "try one more time."

Customer:

Staying. B/c I'll always resent him. I don't know if he could ever make me feel love towards him again which is what he wants to try and do.

Doctor Blake :

See! I'm always heartened when I see folks answering their own questions. You know what you need to do!

Doctor Blake :

I would strongly encourage you to seek some support for yourself (and children?!?) as you make this transition.

Customer:

No kids. Just cats.

Doctor Blake :

That support might include your church - but many many churches offer "divorce support groups" for couples as they split up.

Doctor Blake :

You will also likely need to legal guidance to make certain that your "going separate ways" is done cleanly and with little "loose threads" left behind.

Doctor Blake :

Do you have family, friends, coworkers nearby who can also support you?

Doctor Blake :

Please also be prepared: if he won't leave, you need to.

Customer:

I plan on leaving. We moved away from everything recently so my support network is not close by, however, I do have some people who are willing to help me in my transition. The hardest thing is going to be telling him that I am not willing to work on this relationship. He is going to want me out today and I have nowhere to go.

Doctor Blake :

While it certainly doesn't seem as though there are mental health issues here, per se... you might benefit from some counseling and support to help with feelings of guilt (should they crop up) or loss (which might also happen). I don't think it's NECESSARY - but it's another resource to consider.

Doctor Blake :

A day or two in a hotel might also be a good treat for you. You deserve some "feeling good."

Customer:

Also, where do I get legal counsel? I don't have much money of my own to pay a lawyer.

Doctor Blake :

What city or state do you live in?

Customer:

Florida Keys. 28 miles from Key West.

Doctor Blake :

#1... it *is* possible to file for divorce or dissolution without the aide of a lawyer. It will likely take longer as you explore how to write and submit the paperwork to the courts. This is, obviously, much less expensive than working with an attorney.

Doctor Blake :

#2... I realize this isn't exactly close by, but Legal Services of Greater Miami *says* that they offer low-cost or pro bono services to some clients. http://www.lsgmi.org/ Another option is to seek out legal aide services on a county level. In some cases, seeking out a social services network (such as the county community mental health center or women's shelter) will get you closer to that kind of service. [I realize that you are not in need of their other services, but they could at least point you in the right direction.]

Customer:

Thank you.

Doctor Blake :

Ahhh... (I had this information for Ohio, but not FLorida). You might want to check http://www.stateofflorida.com/Portal/DesktopDefault.aspx?tabid=64 as they offer some of the background legal information needed for filing divorce/dissolution in Florida - including the paperwork needed and route to go.

Doctor Blake :

I wish you the best of luck. Hope all goes well as you embark on a new life!

Doctor Blake :

Please click <ACCEPT.>

Doctor Blake, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 146
Experience: Ph.D., Ed.S., NCSP Clinical Psychologist; 15+ years of experience; dual licensure
Doctor Blake and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
< Last | Next >
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
  • I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well! Claudia Albuquerque, NM
  • Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion. Kevin Beaverton, OR
  • Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
    I feel better already! Thank you.
    Elanor Tracy, CA
  • Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem. Julie Lockesburg, AR
  • You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions. John and Stefanie Tucson, AZ
  • I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!! Janet V Phoenix, AZ
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/Dr.Keane/2013-8-20_204325_drkeane.64x64.jpg Dr. Keane's Avatar

    Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    5024
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC's Avatar

    Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    3733
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/DrAkiraOlsen/2012-2-20_746_AkiraADpicmain.64x64.jpg Dr. Olsen's Avatar

    Dr. Olsen

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2336
    PsyD Psychologist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg Norman M.'s Avatar

    Norman M.

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2193
    UK trained in hypnotherapy, counselling and psychotherapy and have been in private practice. ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), UKCP Registered and ECP.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/PsychologyProf/2010-07-15_171248_logos060400409.jpg Dr. Michael's Avatar

    Dr. Michael

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2177
    Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KURTEMMERLING/2010-07-23_215531_just_ask_picture1.jpg Steven Olsen's Avatar

    Steven Olsen

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1727
    More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education
 
 
 

Related Mental Health Questions