How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask AgapeDoc Your Own Question

AgapeDoc
AgapeDoc, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 197
Experience:  Dr. W. D. Nicholas will help you find solutions to life's challenging issues.
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
AgapeDoc is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

Hi, My husband and I are struggling. We gone through various

Customer Question

Hi,

My husband and I are struggling. We gone through various serious stuff the past years but we are still together. I prayed for us to go on a church and we did. It was awesome. But only for a while.... He says every now and then he think we should get a divorce. We are currently at a counselor but she schedule only 1 meeting a month and I feel this is not going to work.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  AgapeDoc replied 2 years ago.

AgapeDoc :

Thanks for contacting Just Answer - let me see if I can help....

AgapeDoc :

Ok, I have read your post a couple of times. I am sorry that you are struggling with tough issues. I would suspect that you love your husband dearly since you have stayed by him through the tough times. Furthermore, it is reasonable to suspect that he cares for you deeply as well.

AgapeDoc :

I think attending church is a wonderful way to help bring you closer as well as help you resolve your issues. I say this for two reasons.... 1) I am a Christian and I believe that through God all things are possible.... Christianity believes strongly in forgiveness - that is that we must forgive each other and forgive ourselves. I could go on for hours, but I think you get the idea. 2) As a psychologist I know the research that leaves no doubt that when couples are involved in any extra curricular activity (such as attending church, a temple, a mosque or even going bowling) it strengthens the relationship.

AgapeDoc :

Having said this, I would suggest that you continue with church and just realize that the greatness of it you first felt was legitimate, but newness wears off - the good news is that while the original "excitement" can not last forever, that gives way to building "deeper" and more meaningful relationships with fellow church goers.

AgapeDoc :

Now, about seeing a therapist once a month, I can see your concern. However, it can work. The key is always what you do between sessions no matter if the sessions are once a month or twice a week. What you will want to do is let your therapist know of your concerns and ask for homework to do in between sessions (the therapist may already have this in mind).

AgapeDoc :

Research on the topic of effective therapy points to two key factors.... 1) is the client confident that therapy will be effective and 2) the relationship between the therapist and the client.

AgapeDoc :

So to summarize, your therapy can be successful :)

AgapeDoc :

Additionally you can always reach out to other support in between sessions. This could be church or even posting another question here on Just Answer - feel free to request me specifically :)

AgapeDoc :

I wish you much success and I believe you can get through this - you have already found success in other challenging situations - I'm sure you can beat this. After you "conquer" this, why not work on building on that success and moving into more happiness for you both :)

Customer:

Hi,

Customer:

Hi, Thank you for the answer. I know I did not give a lot of detail in my first message. Yes I am within Christ and I can tell you this if it was not for Jesus we would have been devorced ages ago. Francois gave his heart to Jesus recently and we both were baptisted together and therefore I believe what is currently happening is that satan is trying to get him back. I had a lot of issues but thanks to the grace of our Lord I dealt with it but Francois is still struggling and what makes me anxious is I don't know if he knows his issues. We are tipically a new generation family. I had two kids already when we got married (6 years ago). There was a lot of hardship we went through together. Within in 6 months we lived through alot of sadness .... if I can say so.... In Dec 2005 his dad got cancer, In Jan 2006 my grandmom died, in Feb 2006 I was diagnosed with cancer and how we realized I had cancer is because we were planning to have I child together, In March 2006 I had this life treathening operation, in April 2006 we lived through an armed robbery in our house and through all this we stood together and Jesus held my hand. Due to my cancer I can not conveice normal. While we tried to get pregnant via IVF my teenage daughter fell pregnant at the age of 18 and since then everything started to fall apart. Francois said to me recently he recents her and hates her with all his heart. There is a lot of unforgiveness in his heart. He was also addicted to pornography but the Lord came through for him this past easter weekend. He used to drink also a lot but not so much anymore. He has no sexual interest in me and this is what frustrates me the most but thanks to the Lord I know that when he "loves" me again it will be because he dealt with all his struggles. I get the idea that when he is with me he still gets those ugly picture in his mind because I know what pronography can do to a person. It is a stronger addiction than any drug on the market. It is just sometimes I just want to give up but I know the promise we made to God when we got married will be hounered in His name. This is now a very long story and we can talk a bit more. I just feel sometimes when I reach out to people that I do not trust the Lord in our miracle. J

Customer:

He also told me that he doesn't love me anymore but Jesus and I knows better

AgapeDoc :

I am lifted to read your deep faith!

AgapeDoc :

It sounds like you have a very good understanding of how dreadful pornography is and I think (as you pointed out) that this is still impacting his relationship with you - you know exactly what I mean... he is struggling to see what a beautiful God given gift intimacy is between a husband and wife because his mind has been polluted with one of Satan's favorite lies (pornography).

AgapeDoc :

Moreover, the struggles you outlined make me think of Job and again your faith is remarkable and it is my belief that you will be rewarded beyond your expectations.

AgapeDoc :

And when I say your struggles remind me of Job, that is something that I don't say lightly! God must surely have a wonder plan for you. I think it's good to remember that He knows the end from the beginning and He will never forsake you. Just like when the disciples were in the boat during the storm and Jesus was sleeping peacefully. When the disciples woke Him, He simply told the wind and waves to stop and the storm ceased. Of course this will all be in His time.I hope this brings you some comfort.I'll be honest with you, I would suggest that you are on the right path and as I stated earlier

AgapeDoc :

.... continue to do the things you are doing. I am here for you any time you want to talk. In the meantime, please know that I am praying for you, your husband, and your family.

Customer:

Hi, Thanks for the words. It means a lot to me. I recently had the urge to read Job and I am so greatfull to God. Now you come and tell me that you think of Job because of my hardships, but Jesus always comes thorugh for us and I know His time is the right time. You wont believe me if I tell how hestant I was to send the first mail to just answer. The devil placed a lie in my head that I do not trust God for his salvation. I thought that I must stop asking and talking to other people about my struggles in life and that I should ONLY trust in God but the word says speak to your fellow christians to get peace of mind and I can tell you I am so glad you were the answering my mail. I do not like in general phsyciatrists. I dont trust them because so many of them are only working within in their own believes.

Customer:

This is the first time that I can put my feelings and words in writing and it is very how can I say it .. I feel better and I feel God even closer. Jesus teached me alot during these few years and even more the past few weeks. I am a kind of person that likes to fix things. I can't wait for something to be resolved and I can honestly tell you I have learned to be patient the past weeks. There were a lot of sorrow in my life. Most often them was because I followed my own will and I think Jesus that I am forgiven for what I did. I repented in my sins in the past but what I did not do was to "take" the forgiveness. Jesus showed me this and I took it and since then so many things become clear to me. I phoned my ex boyfriend (stayed with him for over 7 years and have a son together) and asked his forgiveness for all the hard footsteps I made in his life and heart. I also told him that I forgive him. This was the greatest feeling ever! Jesus is so great and so within us. If I only realized it earlier in my life. I need to go. Will chat a bit later again with you. Have a blessed day

AgapeDoc, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 197
Experience: Dr. W. D. Nicholas will help you find solutions to life's challenging issues.
AgapeDoc and 3 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Hi are you still online?
Expert:  AgapeDoc replied 2 years ago.
Yes I am here. If you need me just post your question or concern as a response here and I will see it.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

I am so glad. I am in the mud currenlty! so to say. I gave my husband an ultimatem this morning. "maybe I shouldn't have but ja I did". I told him I do not want to divorce and this will never be a mutual decision. He said again to me he doesnt love me anymore and he wants out. It carried on and on...

I said to him that he is either IN or OUT. He must make the decision. If he is IN he needs to work on this marriage and if he is OUT he must go and see a laywer. I can not live in this uncertainty anymore. Maybe I am not as Job!!!! It is eating at me like cancer. I know God will keep me safe although I do not feel it now. I know He will come through for us and I just hope I didn't mess up but it needs to get to a point now. It is affecting my life. I know God doesnt want anyone to divorce but He loves us and He gives us free will and that is what He has give to Francois as well. Francois has the free will to decide whether to stay or go. I pray that he must find God in all this mess. Please pray for me for strenght on this decision he has to make. If he wants OUT I just need you to pray that God will be with me every step of the way. I know this is not for our Saviour.

 

Expert:  AgapeDoc replied 2 years ago.
I am so sorry you are have such a day. You know that I am praying for you :) and you know that all things work to the glory of God for those that love him.

God wants us to have happy lives - it was not His intention to have any of us suffer... of course sin changed all that. You have no reason to feel guilt and too hope that your husband finds God in all of this. The reason you have no reason to feel guilt in this is because God did not put you here to suffer and as for the divorce issue... Jesus has said that if a man lusts in his heart he has committed adultery - pornography is so evil and you husband chose to get caught up in it. Forgiveness is wonderful, but a divorce in your case (I truly believe) is acceptable in God's eyes. What you have not is not a marriage.

AND you are so right that your husband has to be the one to make these decisions - you cannot do it for him - I am happy you are taking this position...

My heart is breaking for you - please spend a little time in Psalms and/or Proverbs as we both pray for the guidance and comfort of the Holy Spirit in this exceedingly trying time.

God bless
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Hi,

Do you think it will be good if I go away for a few days?

Expert:  AgapeDoc replied 2 years ago.
Yes I do! But not just go away... go away with a purpose. Decide what you will do positively while you area away. What will you accomplish. One thing may be to treat yourself to something nice - a reward for yourself if you will. Maybe a manicure or an afternoon of shopping, visiting a church to listen to music, etc. and of course I will suggest taking some reading material - your Bible of course and maybe some other positive literature.

This is a great idea and you truly believe the Holy Spirit is leading you.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

I am so broken inside I cannot think of anything positive! I need to decide what to do with my marriage. I do not know if I hear the Holy Spirit today. I just feel it is a good idea for both of us. I dont want to go but I feel I need to go. I wish I could stay so that we can talk but I know it is not going to work. He is adement and we will only talk in circles. I just pray during this for God to be with him.

There is no real answers is there?

Expert:  AgapeDoc replied 2 years ago.
I can tell you are feeling at least somewhat defeated - I think some time away will do you both good. I understand that you are not feeling "the positive" right now and that's OK. Just spend sometime away and know that no matter what you are not alone - Jesus promised that the Holy Spirit is here and that He will not leave or forsake you. My father in law would say that Satan is trying so hard to make things hard for you because of his jealousy of God's love for you. And that God must have a special plan for you. You may or may not know what that plan is, but God knows.

Don't give up except to surrender to God - spend some time away and be well. I am here if you need me.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Hi are you online?
Expert:  AgapeDoc replied 2 years ago.
Yes, I'm here.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Hi, I think the time diffirence is huge between us. I am from South Africa but anyway hello. An awesome thing happened today - for me it is - I had a dream a few days ago where I was at a wild camp or something. I saw a Lion with very long legs and I was amazed and the next thing these awfull creature appeared. I run away into a building and tried to hide behind a door and behind the door was a little girl with long blond curly hair and a very bright pink jersey on. I woke up but I can still remember the fear I had for those creatures. The dream slipped from my mind and as I was surfing the web today I was looking at signs of satan. This is not because I was curios. I was on a site called http://www.jesus-is-savior.com/. As I was paging down - woopa - there are the creature - a picture - I can't tell you how I felt. This dream must mean something!

 

Expert:  AgapeDoc replied 2 years ago.
As I have mentioned to you - I believe that God has a plan for you and Satan (as he always does) wants to ruin God's plans. Of course we know that Satan is already a defeated foe and we have NOTHING to fear for God is with us ALWAYS!

I feel that I am to tell you that you should read 2 Timothy where we are assured that God did not give us the spirit of fear and also Psalm 91 - this is my wife's favorite :) and it is sure to bring you comfort according to God's will.

There is a battle between good and evil - but good has already won and evil has already been defeated by the sacrifice of Jesus. Satan still tries in vein to keep us from understanding God's love and compassion (he uses many worldly trick and lies - such as pornography, etc)

But the victory is ours and Jesus has promised that he will come back for us.

I hope that God has used me to bring you some peace this day - I will be here - on and off all day, so please feel free to keep the conversation going - you have become a very big blessing to me.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Hi

I never updated you! I did not go away. I was woken at 04h10 yesterday morning and went to our lounge and started to pray. I've read a few chapters of Job again. I ask God is this the right thing to do to go away, is it from Him or my own will and mind. All of a sudden a got this PEACE over me. I can't descirbe it in words and I felt I must stay! So I stayed. Nothing changed a bit in the house BUT I got so much of Jesus peace in me I can not tell you. If God is for me who can be against me??? No one. I know that God is in control! Escpecially in the choas where I am now. Although the dream was terrifying I think satan tried to make me disbelieve again. I feel that I am currently in a spiritual warfare. Francois has give his heart to Jesus and satan doesn;t like it. I am my husband warrior and I will not let him down. I cancell all his words of saying he doesnt love me. He maybe believes it but this another lie from satan. Even if I am wrong which I am not, God does not condone divorce and He will come through for us. Which ever way my PEACE that I have within me is so awesome and know God is with me every step of the way.

Expert:  AgapeDoc replied 2 years ago.
Very, Very Uplifting! Praise God and thank you for sharing this with me :)
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Please check out that web site and let me know. It is nice to talk to you.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I know very soon I am going to share you the Good News and we (my husband and I) are going to help a lot of other people and we will be equiped to do so.
Expert:  AgapeDoc replied 2 years ago.
Yes, As always it's good to talk to you. I did check out the website - very interesting indeed - I will be checking it out more in the next couple of days.

Imagine the story that you and your husband will share :)

God bless,
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Hi me again,

I see on JustAnswer there is also the options of a dream intreperter. Are they basing there believe on Jesus or not?

Expert:  AgapeDoc replied 2 years ago.
It depends on the expert. I only know of one and he does not, but you could post a question and request that in the body of your question.

Let me know how it goes.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Hmmm no I don't think so. It feels like fortune telling if you do not know the person personally and don't know if they have the gift or not. Thanks any way.
Expert:  AgapeDoc replied 2 years ago.
I certainly understand :)

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
< Last | Next >
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
  • I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well! Claudia Albuquerque, NM
  • Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion. Kevin Beaverton, OR
  • Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
    I feel better already! Thank you.
    Elanor Tracy, CA
  • Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem. Julie Lockesburg, AR
  • You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions. John and Stefanie Tucson, AZ
  • I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!! Janet V Phoenix, AZ
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dr. Keane's Avatar

    Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/Dr.Keane/2013-8-20_204325_drkeane.64x64.jpg Dr. Keane's Avatar

    Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    5024
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC's Avatar

    Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    3733
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/DrAkiraOlsen/2012-2-20_746_AkiraADpicmain.64x64.jpg Dr. Olsen's Avatar

    Dr. Olsen

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2336
    PsyD Psychologist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg Norman M.'s Avatar

    Norman M.

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2193
    UK trained in hypnotherapy, counselling and psychotherapy and have been in private practice. ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), UKCP Registered and ECP.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/PsychologyProf/2010-07-15_171248_logos060400409.jpg Dr. Michael's Avatar

    Dr. Michael

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2177
    Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KURTEMMERLING/2010-07-23_215531_just_ask_picture1.jpg Steven Olsen's Avatar

    Steven Olsen

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1727
    More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education