Thanks for contacting Just Answer - let me see if I can help....
Ok, I have read your post a couple of times. I am sorry that you are struggling with tough issues. I would suspect that you love your husband dearly since you have stayed by him through the tough times. Furthermore, it is reasonable to suspect that he cares for you deeply as well.
I think attending church is a wonderful way to help bring you closer as well as help you resolve your issues. I say this for two reasons.... 1) I am a Christian and I believe that through God all things are possible.... Christianity believes strongly in forgiveness - that is that we must forgive each other and forgive ourselves. I could go on for hours, but I think you get the idea. 2) As a psychologist I know the research that leaves no doubt that when couples are involved in any extra curricular activity (such as attending church, a temple, a mosque or even going bowling) it strengthens the relationship.
Having said this, I would suggest that you continue with church and just realize that the greatness of it you first felt was legitimate, but newness wears off - the good news is that while the original "excitement" can not last forever, that gives way to building "deeper" and more meaningful relationships with fellow church goers.
Now, about seeing a therapist once a month, I can see your concern. However, it can work. The key is always what you do between sessions no matter if the sessions are once a month or twice a week. What you will want to do is let your therapist know of your concerns and ask for homework to do in between sessions (the therapist may already have this in mind).
Research on the topic of effective therapy points to two key factors.... 1) is the client confident that therapy will be effective and 2) the relationship between the therapist and the client.
So to summarize, your therapy can be successful :)
Additionally you can always reach out to other support in between sessions. This could be church or even posting another question here on Just Answer - feel free to request me specifically :)
I wish you much success and I believe you can get through this - you have already found success in other challenging situations - I'm sure you can beat this. After you "conquer" this, why not work on building on that success and moving into more happiness for you both :)
Hi, Thank you for the answer. I know I did not give a lot of detail in my first message. Yes I am within Christ and I can tell you this if it was not for Jesus we would have been devorced ages ago. Francois gave his heart to Jesus recently and we both were baptisted together and therefore I believe what is currently happening is that satan is trying to get him back. I had a lot of issues but thanks to the grace of our Lord I dealt with it but Francois is still struggling and what makes me anxious is I don't know if he knows his issues. We are tipically a new generation family. I had two kids already when we got married (6 years ago). There was a lot of hardship we went through together. Within in 6 months we lived through alot of sadness .... if I can say so.... In Dec 2005 his dad got cancer, In Jan 2006 my grandmom died, in Feb 2006 I was diagnosed with cancer and how we realized I had cancer is because we were planning to have I child together, In March 2006 I had this life treathening operation, in April 2006 we lived through an armed robbery in our house and through all this we stood together and Jesus held my hand. Due to my cancer I can not conveice normal. While we tried to get pregnant via IVF my teenage daughter fell pregnant at the age of 18 and since then everything started to fall apart. Francois said to me recently he recents her and hates her with all his heart. There is a lot of unforgiveness in his heart. He was also addicted to pornography but the Lord came through for him this past easter weekend. He used to drink also a lot but not so much anymore. He has no sexual interest in me and this is what frustrates me the most but thanks to the Lord I know that when he "loves" me again it will be because he dealt with all his struggles. I get the idea that when he is with me he still gets those ugly picture in his mind because I know what pronography can do to a person. It is a stronger addiction than any drug on the market. It is just sometimes I just want to give up but I know the promise we made to God when we got married will be hounered in His name. This is now a very long story and we can talk a bit more. I just feel sometimes when I reach out to people that I do not trust the Lord in our miracle. J
He also told me that he doesn't love me anymore but Jesus and I knows better
I am lifted to read your deep faith!
It sounds like you have a very good understanding of how dreadful pornography is and I think (as you pointed out) that this is still impacting his relationship with you - you know exactly what I mean... he is struggling to see what a beautiful God given gift intimacy is between a husband and wife because his mind has been polluted with one of Satan's favorite lies (pornography).
Moreover, the struggles you outlined make me think of Job and again your faith is remarkable and it is my belief that you will be rewarded beyond your expectations.
And when I say your struggles remind me of Job, that is something that I don't say lightly! God must surely have a wonder plan for you. I think it's good to remember that He knows the end from the beginning and He will never forsake you. Just like when the disciples were in the boat during the storm and Jesus was sleeping peacefully. When the disciples woke Him, He simply told the wind and waves to stop and the storm ceased. Of course this will all be in His time.I hope this brings you some comfort.I'll be honest with you, I would suggest that you are on the right path and as I stated earlier
.... continue to do the things you are doing. I am here for you any time you want to talk. In the meantime, please know that I am praying for you, your husband, and your family.
Hi, Thanks for the words. It means a lot to me. I recently had the urge to read Job and I am so greatfull to God. Now you come and tell me that you think of Job because of my hardships, but Jesus always comes thorugh for us and I know His time is the right time. You wont believe me if I tell how hestant I was to send the first mail to just answer. The devil placed a lie in my head that I do not trust God for his salvation. I thought that I must stop asking and talking to other people about my struggles in life and that I should ONLY trust in God but the word says speak to your fellow christians to get peace of mind and I can tell you I am so glad you were the answering my mail. I do not like in general phsyciatrists. I dont trust them because so many of them are only working within in their own believes.
This is the first time that I can put my feelings and words in writing and it is very how can I say it .. I feel better and I feel God even closer. Jesus teached me alot during these few years and even more the past few weeks. I am a kind of person that likes to fix things. I can't wait for something to be resolved and I can honestly tell you I have learned to be patient the past weeks. There were a lot of sorrow in my life. Most often them was because I followed my own will and I think Jesus that I am forgiven for what I did. I repented in my sins in the past but what I did not do was to "take" the forgiveness. Jesus showed me this and I took it and since then so many things become clear to me. I phoned my ex boyfriend (stayed with him for over 7 years and have a son together) and asked his forgiveness for all the hard footsteps I made in his life and heart. I also told him that I forgive him. This was the greatest feeling ever! Jesus is so great and so within us. If I only realized it earlier in my life. I need to go. Will chat a bit later again with you. Have a blessed day
I am so glad. I am in the mud currenlty! so to say. I gave my husband an ultimatem this morning. "maybe I shouldn't have but ja I did". I told him I do not want to divorce and this will never be a mutual decision. He said again to me he doesnt love me anymore and he wants out. It carried on and on...
I said to him that he is either IN or OUT. He must make the decision. If he is IN he needs to work on this marriage and if he is OUT he must go and see a laywer. I can not live in this uncertainty anymore. Maybe I am not as Job!!!! It is eating at me like cancer. I know God will keep me safe although I do not feel it now. I know He will come through for us and I just hope I didn't mess up but it needs to get to a point now. It is affecting my life. I know God doesnt want anyone to divorce but He loves us and He gives us free will and that is what He has give to Francois as well. Francois has the free will to decide whether to stay or go. I pray that he must find God in all this mess. Please pray for me for strenght on this decision he has to make. If he wants OUT I just need you to pray that God will be with me every step of the way. I know this is not for our Saviour.
Do you think it will be good if I go away for a few days?
I am so broken inside I cannot think of anything positive! I need to decide what to do with my marriage. I do not know if I hear the Holy Spirit today. I just feel it is a good idea for both of us. I dont want to go but I feel I need to go. I wish I could stay so that we can talk but I know it is not going to work. He is adement and we will only talk in circles. I just pray during this for God to be with him.
There is no real answers is there?
Hi, I think the time diffirence is huge between us. I am from South Africa but anyway hello. An awesome thing happened today - for me it is - I had a dream a few days ago where I was at a wild camp or something. I saw a Lion with very long legs and I was amazed and the next thing these awfull creature appeared. I run away into a building and tried to hide behind a door and behind the door was a little girl with long blond curly hair and a very bright pink jersey on. I woke up but I can still remember the fear I had for those creatures. The dream slipped from my mind and as I was surfing the web today I was looking at signs of satan. This is not because I was curios. I was on a site called http://www.jesus-is-savior.com/. As I was paging down - woopa - there are the creature - a picture - I can't tell you how I felt. This dream must mean something!
I never updated you! I did not go away. I was woken at 04h10 yesterday morning and went to our lounge and started to pray. I've read a few chapters of Job again. I ask God is this the right thing to do to go away, is it from Him or my own will and mind. All of a sudden a got this PEACE over me. I can't descirbe it in words and I felt I must stay! So I stayed. Nothing changed a bit in the house BUT I got so much of Jesus peace in me I can not tell you. If God is for me who can be against me??? No one. I know that God is in control! Escpecially in the choas where I am now. Although the dream was terrifying I think satan tried to make me disbelieve again. I feel that I am currently in a spiritual warfare. Francois has give his heart to Jesus and satan doesn;t like it. I am my husband warrior and I will not let him down. I cancell all his words of saying he doesnt love me. He maybe believes it but this another lie from satan. Even if I am wrong which I am not, God does not condone divorce and He will come through for us. Which ever way my PEACE that I have within me is so awesome and know God is with me every step of the way.
Hi me again,
I see on JustAnswer there is also the options of a dream intreperter. Are they basing there believe on Jesus or not?