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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5450
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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I hope your arent tired of me yet, but I was thinking....I

Resolved Question:

I hope your aren't tired of me yet, but I was thinking....I took pictures of inside and the outside porch like you suggested. However should I go ahead and clean off the front porch or leave a note for her boyfriend to take the stuff in that was left? However, its going to bug me every day til its neat.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 3 years ago.

Of course not! I am happy to hear from you.

 

I would leave everything alone until she is done with the property and she no longer holds any legal rights to be on it (You may want to double check this with your attorney just to be sure). But my take would be that if you remove the stuff now and she has a right to still be on the property, then she can claim you stole her items as a way of getting back at her. The least amount of conflict you can have with her until the property reverts back to you, the better.

 

Please contact me anytime you have something you need to talk about.

 

Kate

Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Can I at least ask the friend who is coming to take care of her pets if he could move that stuff inside? Or would that be considered adding conflict? If you still say leave it alone, what can I do to not let it bug me? I know me its going to bug me and then I'll get mad at myself for letting my neice use and abuse my good nature all this time, and it will be one big vicious cycle on myself all negative.
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 3 years ago.

You could ask the friend to move it in. Just be sure you have a witness to the interaction. I know it sounds overboard, but these things can get out of hand and escalate when emotions are involved and I am concerned about you getting hurt if they try to make an issue of it.

 

You could also ask her in writing (certified letter) to remove the items from the front porch. It may not get you anywhere, but it is worth a try.

 

It is ok that this bugs you. The lack of control you have at this point over the situation and the way your niece is treating you (as if it is your fault) can create a strong need to do anything to fix the situation so you can have some peace. You are having a very normal reaction to all of this. Many people experience heightened anxiety, sleep problems and other reactions when caught up in conflicts like this. It would be odd if you were not feeling this upset!

 

Let me know what happens,
Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5450
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Thanks at least I am acting "normal". I think I'll just forget it for now because this friend has yelled pretty loudly at me before. I will just keep my side of the porch pretty and neat and I will maybe get some porch accessories that I haven't been able to do in the past because of her stuff. At least my side will look nice. Oh I also bought 250 yards of bubble wrap from Walmart that I can pop the "crap" out of. It really does relieve stress for me, believe it or not.Laughing
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 3 years ago.

That is some really great therapy you thought of! Gosh, I enjoyed reading that. I may have to borrow that idea from you to help other people.

 

Oh yes, you are being normal about this. Don't worry about that.

 

Your attitude about this is wonderful. Buy some really nice stuff and decorate the heck out of your porch. It will make you feel better. You could also buy a temporary privacy shade if that would help. Then when she leaves for good, you can take it down and sit out there and enjoy the peace and quiet.

 

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5450
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
I didn't think of a privacy shade...I like that. By the way I thought of bubble wrap because amongst all this I am also raising my special needs granddaughter and she has some behavior issues as well(hmmmmmmmmm sounds like my adult neice). When things with the granddaughter and myself get tense or somewhat crazy, I ask is it bubble wrap time? she says yes and her and me go to town. This may sound silly but we enjoy singing "pop goes the weasel" and when we get to the part where we sing pop...we pop the heck out of the bubble wrap!!SmileIt really works for me and for her and me. My poor dogs probably think whats going on. Oh it works really well on the car steering wheel too.Smile.....One last thing, I just signed up with Netflix so I can enjoy my Classic Movies!!
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 3 years ago.

I think I should be accepting your replies instead for making me laugh! That is some great therapy for your granddaughter as well. How wonderful for her to have someone like you in her life. She is truly blessed.

 

Have a good night,

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5450
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

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