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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5578
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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I am the 56 year old widow with a 30 year old neice whos been

Resolved Question:

I am the 56 year old widow with a 30 year old neice who's been living in my duplex on her side. Well this past Sat - Tues midnight she was trying to pack a UHAUL with some stuff. I say some because I know she got a job in another state and she was trying to get to it on Wed am. She will be back in another month and a half to move the rest out and her myriad of pets. Her boyfriend will be taking care of the pets. However, even though I know she had little help with this partial move, she still left the porch and out front a wreck for someone else to clean up. That just gets me mad and my question is do I have a right to be mad at how she left the front of the house looking?
Also, I got the added time and pets and stuff in writing, and anything left will go and if its not reasonably clean (house and outside) she will get the cleaning bill.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 3 years ago.

Hello! It is good to hear from you again. And thank you for requesting my help.

 

I will get back to you as soon as I am able this morning. I hope that is ok. I have another appointment this morning I need to attend then I will be able to reply.

 

Kate

Customer: replied 3 years ago.
that's ok. I am at work anyway so take your time. I'll check back periodically.Embarassed
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 3 years ago.

Yes, you absolutely have the right to be mad. Your niece is leaving you with a mess and has shown no responsibility for her actions. She is disregarding your feelings and your property. The other issue is that she maintains control and is continuing to string you along until she decides she is done. That would make anyone frustrated and upset.

 

The main problem here is lack of control. The situation has left you with few choices but to wait out your niece's lease and allow her to have control over the situation. That is difficult.

 

Although the situation leaves you with little control for now, there are some things you can do to help yourself.

 

Your idea of having her cover the expenses of the clean up is excellent. There is nothing wrong with you sending her certified letters saying that you will be estimating the cost of clean up and charging her for the expense. That way, you have clear proof that you warned her. Also, take pictures of what she leaves will give you evidence in case she tries to fight it. You may also want to take a witness you trust to back you up.

 

Consider talking to others about your situation, especially landlords in your area or on line. There are many who have gone through the same situation and can be supportive and helpful to you (I know one personally that had to deal with tenants who left feces in her vents. She was not happy!). Also, contact your attorney to see if there is any other recourse you have and how you can be sure you have covered all the bases in case your niece fights the cleaning bill.

 

Also, be sure to take care of yourself. Working out your anger and feelings of frustration is important so they do not adversely affect you. After you have done what you can to protect yourself, a good distraction helps. Exercise, time out with friends and family, getting away for a few days and relaxing activities are all examples of how to help you cope with the stress. And remember, this will be over soon so you don't have much longer to wait until you have control over the situation.

 

Let me know how it works out for you and if I can do anything else to help,

Kate

Customer: replied 3 years ago.
thank you. I feel somehow vindicated that yes I can be mad. In the past whenever I try to talk to the neice, nicely, she accuses me of having an attitude so she can jump in and start yelling and getting mad at me. So I have years of pent up mad and frustration. When she does move out thats it. I will change my phone # XXXXX email address. I will probably end up moving at a future time...but now that I am free of her and her money woes I can actually start to fix the things on both sides of the duplex before selling. Thank you so much for your input...I will try to exercise ...I'm not too sure about the venting frustration part....did you say there may be a support group of some kind for this?
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 3 years ago.

You're welcome! I understand how frustrating something like this can be, especially if the person you are dealing with has no insight at all into how they treat others, and it does sound like your niece likes to blame others for her actions

 

Try looking up landlord groups in your area. Usually, landlord groups are local. Here is one on line that may work for you:

http://www.experienceproject.com/groups/Am-A-Landlord/19253

 

I don't think they have organized as much on line as they do in person. You may also want to look under your local Real estate groups if you cannot find one yourself. They are usually organized under those types of groups or real estate law.

 

Kate

 

 

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5578
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
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Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.