Welcome, I am a professional counselor, behavioral-consultant and relationship expert.
I'd like to ask a few questions to better understand your situation. Can we chat for a few minutes?
I notice you're offline right now so I'll check back later for your response.
Hi I'm back now.
And my response is yes, we can chat. I will be here until about 4 and then out until around 7:30. :)
so what would you say is the most important problem or challenge with your daughter's behavior right now?
Just disabling the pay button.....
I would say I'm confused if I should push her back into her sport which was her number one love - but maybe that was just my love (I did love watching her). I wonder if her quitting suddenly was based on the need to be with a new friend. I wonder if what she did with facebook and the dating site are symptoms of her looking to be accepted. I should tell you she's tiny - 66 pounds at 13 adopted from China. she just started looking her age. I want to be sure our relationship stays strong while I parent her correctly.
don't worry - I'll pay you. :)
Thank you for the info (and payment promise) lol....
So wrong for someone not to pay - I'm sure that happens to you from time to time. I'm a teacher - professional to professional
I've worked as treatment program developer and program psychotherapist with all kinds of kids. I've also worked as a school board behavior consultant. I've really studied the evidence-based parenting literature and helped people apply it.
From what I can tell it's very important to provide structure where there is risk.
wow - you sound perfect. so hard to find a good counselor to speak to.
The internet is a problem. I think that kids need to be supervised when on it. The delayed effect from spyware is not good enough unless it's real time so that you can intervene with in a few seconds.
Okay - that makes sense. You're right - I found out, but the damage is still done
Same with visiting friends. There must be adult supervision where there is potential risk in my view.
So it's about prevention now and helping her make more healthy behavior choices.
how do i monitor when i go to bed though? Of course I can take the laptop..
should I let her see the friend even though the friend's mom knows nothing about the facebook incident and says her mom won't care anyway? this friend is on strike 3 as my husband says - things keep happening.
I'd take the computer with you and put it in your in a drawer. The risk is to high for negative peer and media influence, particularly when you've seen the behavior already.
there are other computers in the house - one that can''t be taken (remember the old fashioned ones that aren't laptops?:)
it does have spyware
When it comes to parental supervision or adult supervision, I think that it needs to be concrete and continuous. Unsupervised time in the community is high risk. Supervised pro-social activities are best. And yes it's better if she really enjoys them and you can help her enjoy activities through increased and creative parental involvement.
so should i push her back into her sport? And continuous is impossible with a sleepover...
I would take the power cords or in some other way disable the computers when you are not able to supervise. That's just my opinion based on experience working with similar behaviors.
oh good idea!
I would not push her into anything if she doesn't want to be there, although sometimes a nudge can help get the positive behavioral momentum going. It really depends on the situation.
If it's a healthy, pro social, supervised activity, I would want to learn more about what gets in the way of her enjoyment of it.
thank you Duddy. I will wait for her to ask about her friend again and then say yes with complete monitoring.
How do I pay you?
You just press the green button at sign out.
Okay will do. Thanks so much. Have a nice day.
Glad to have helped.