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Selah R, M.S. LPC
Selah R, M.S. LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 582
Experience:  Licensed Professional Counselor; over 13+ yrs exp working with adults, teens, & families/couples.
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Hi, Im having trouble finding a therapist. Im married with

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Hi, I'm having trouble finding a therapist. I'm married with a great son who's a symphony conductor out east (he's in Paris right now) and we're very close. My husband, on the other hand, has always been severely narcissitic. I've spent years listening to him ramble on and on about himself. He never asks anything about me nor does he ever talk about family etc.

We've seen several gave me passages from the bible and wanted me to come in to discuss them. See taught bible classes on the side and she was attached to a good hosipital. Apparently they don't screen well.

Another marriage counselor suggested that if I was nicer to my husband he might come around. I'm a Great wife and mother. The best. My husband knows he's verbally abusive and even he was shocked.

Another counselor called me and said that in the 18 years she's been a therapist she's never meet anyone who was so completely unaware of others as my husband was. No matter who she asked about he just started talking about himself completely unrelated to anyone else. She was a psychologist and said she was unsure of how to handle him.

What do I do? I'd like to live the rest of my life with some normalcy. It's just the two of us now. He still works. But I can't stand it. Is there a doctor out there who can deal with this problem. I thought maybe there were people in your field that specialized in these stronger personalities but I can't find one.
Thank you for trusting JustAnswer with your important question.

I've studied a lot of different marriage counseling methods or programs. It is hard to find one based on solid research rather than just anecdotes. But the one that stands apart from the rest is the Gottman Method. They teach specific skills to strengthen marriages. They also use unconventional therapy tools like video recorders and heart rate monitors to really get past the surface stuff. I'd strongly recommend you visit their website ( and find a therapist who has completed their intensive training. Not just one or two levels of it, but the whole thing (which includes them being supervised in using these tools). They have also invested a great deal of time and money for that training, which should mean they are serious about working with couples and not just a generalist who sees some couples in their regular practice.

They do offer books and videos for home use, but your spouse doesn't sound like the self-help kind. But you might enjoy reading the Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman to better understand the basic model of this type of therapy.

Best wishes,
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