Ask a Psychiatrist and Get Answers to Mental Health Questions ASAP
Thank you for requesting my help.
Yes, it is possible to make the break from this relationship and do just fine. You may experience a sort of download of feelings left over from your experience but it is just a matter of working them out and having enough support in place so you can rely on others to help you get through.
Set up your support right now, before you leave (unless you and the children are being abused right now, then leave immediately). Talk with your counselor, contact the domestic abuse hotline, research information about domestic abuse, and connect to a support group, either on line or in person. Here are some links to help you get started:
Healing the Trauma of Domestic Violence: A Workbook for Women by Edward S. Kubany, Mari A. McCaig and Janet R. Laconsay
Domestic Violence Sourcebook, The by Dawn Bradley Berry
It's My Life Now: Starting Over After an Abusive Relationship or Domestic Violence, 2nd Edition by Meg Kennedy Dugan and Roger R. Hock
You can find these books on Amazon.com or your local library may have them for you.
There is a lot of support out there for women in your situation. You will be able to cope just fine. If you can survive what you have had to endure, you definitely have the strength to be on your own.
I hope this has helped you,
You are fine with what you are doing already with this thread. You may keep responding to me on this thread if you wish to. If you would like to, you can start each post with my name and that helps the other experts to know that you are working with me. Someone else could answer anyway, but you have the choice of which answer you prefer to go with. The choice is always with you, not us.
It is encouraging that you are starting to think about leaving. I say that because unless your husband is willing to stop all of the damaging behavior (drinking, the abuse, etc), then the chance he will continue the abuse is almost 100%. He has to see his behavior as a problem, to the point he makes a big effort to change it. So far, he is only modifying the behavior on his own and this is usually a way to get you to stay if he feels you might leave. It is part of the manipulation which is very common with abusers.
Keep working on leaving. Whenever abuse is involved, a marriage should not continue. The reason is because of the heavy toll it takes on the victims. The life long damage psychologically is enormous. The effect on the children is also hard. The children have the potential to either become abusers or be in a relationship that is abusive, repeating the pattern they were exposed to as children. When you weigh a divorce with abuse, divorce is less damaging and may even be healthier for the family. Safety and security can be restored which is vital for all involved.
If your husband is really interested in changing and keeping the family together, he can do this after you leave. You do not need to stay for this to happen. You will be able to see it with his actions, not his words. If he is truly serious, he will get sober and start therapy. It may take a while, but that is good. He needs time to make a permanent change.
If you can, try getting the children into therapy now. They need to start working on recovery. They also need to know what normal behavior is for a family and for a father and husband compared to what they are used to with their father.
I am glad you found the resources helpful. I hope they can help guide you and provide you with the support you need to get you through this difficult journey.
That is good news. Your neighbor may be right, that is close to home and your husband may be able to get to you easier. But it does give you a place of your own and somewhere to go to lock the door. And if it doesn't work out you can always move further away. One suggestion I have would be to keep emergency numbers on speed dial, just in case, and plan a quick escape route. A back up place to run to would not hurt either.
This is no trouble at all. I am very happy to help you. Anytime you need to talk or just have a question, I'm here.
That is the best reply I've ever had. Thank you!
No problem! I'm glad to help.
Oh sorry about that. It is Just Answer's assumption that I answered another question for you to accept. It is completely up to you if you choose to do so. If it's a long thread, some people will pay only once and others pay throughout the thread. Each person is different so it is really up to you. Please do not feel it affects how I feel about helping you because it does not.
I have enjoyed very much working with you and hope we can work together again soon!
That is very nice of you. Thank you for the accept.
It is probably unprofessional of me, but I had to laugh when I read what you said about having a good week. It is nice to know you can relax and enjoy yourself. Have fun!
It was good talking with you and I hope we can talk again soon. Remember what we discussed and that you do have the strength to deal with what you need to. Let me know if I can help, anytime.