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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5419
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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I need help. I am okay, just been in a heavy heavy betrayal,

Resolved Question:

I need help. I am okay, just been in a heavy heavy betrayal, and having a very difficult time accepting this situation, i want to cope without running to the person who has betrayed me, it is a sick relationship.. I need help to stop it.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 3 years ago.

Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.

 

In order to help you best, XXXXX XXXXX to ask a few questions.

 

Are you having trouble coping with the end of the relationship or are you asking to have help with the possibility of running into this person?

 

Did this person hurt you or abuse you?

 

How long ago did the breakup occur?

 

Thank you,

Kate

Customer: replied 3 years ago.

No one is hurting me, Just been betrayed and don't know how to not run to the person who betrays me.

I was in a relationship, but that part has ended we are also business partners, and best friends, He has gone to folks I know and spoke of me in a very negative light, when he speaks to me, he behaves like my best friend. The reality of this has set in, I am additied to him, but it is so harmful to me.. How do I avoid his calls, how do I stop my addition to him.

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 3 years ago.

Is it possible to get out of the arrangement you are in with him? If so, that should be the first step you take. I know it's difficult to do this in a business arrangement, but I thought I would put it out there in case there was a chance you could do it.

 

The next thing you could try is talking with him about the boundaries of your relationship. Tell him that talking about you with others in a negative light is slanderous and hurts you and your business. You may also want to talk with your lawyer about action you could take if he continues. This is a bit extreme right now, but it never hurts to be prepared. Relationships that end badly sometimes get out of hand and you want to protect yourself.

 

Any person that talks about you behind your back but is nice to your face is not a friend. He is hurting you and he knows it. It may be his way to get back at you for how he feels and in that case, he may not stop if he feels hurt enough.

 

Is there any way you can divide the responsibilities of the job to lessen the chance of you running into each other? If you can, try avoiding him.

 

Can you bring on other partners and lessen your need to be involved? It may not be great to bring someone into a situation like this, but it may help you in the long run if you have others that see his behavior.

 

You may also want to get lots of support with this problem. The more people you can turn to to express how you feel, the more chance you have to vent and feel better. Consider seeing a therapist. Talk to your doctor for a referral. You can also search on line at www.psychologytoday.com.

 

If you have supportive family and friends spend more time with them doing something you enjoy. Join groups that interest you such as hobby or activity/exercise groups. Take time to pamper yourself. Get a new haircut, buy a new outfit, travel for a bit. Anything that can take your focus off this toxic relationship and lets you get a new perspective.

 

I hope this helps you,
Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5419
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Hi Kate, it does help. We do not need to be around each other for business. It is the total dependence he has had on me, and me on him. I am like a wicked loyal person, I have stood by him, and I know that he just will protect himself, make me look bad to make him look good, he is charming cleaver, and VERY bright, also an alcholic, by polllar two. Also, I am so so addited to him, his charming side, is like you can't imagine, he knows me, cares for me like every girl dreams about, yet he thows me under the bus to make himself seem better. I know he will call me later, Talking reality with him does not work... I am not sure if he can help himself from being how he is. I just want to help me, get away from this very harmful situation.
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 3 years ago.

It is very easy to get pulled into a charming person's attention. It pulls many people in so don't feel you are alone.

 

This is going to be something you need to cut off quickly. The faster, the better. Then you can begin to heal.

 

Tell yourself the truth. Write it down all over your home and carry it with you if you need to. Statements such as -This man hurts you and is not what he seems to your face. He is being manipulative and he is playing a game with you. It is time to move on. Be strong and believe in yourself. You do not need a toxic relationship like this. Sayings like this will give you strength when you need it.

 

Start by ignoring his call today. If you do talk to him, stick to business only. When he tries to connect to you personally, cut the conversation off and walk away. It will be hard at first, but you are strong and you can do it.

 

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5419
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

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