Good evening, and welcome to JA.
The answer to your question is simple: What do you value you more... your family or the great sex.
There is no judgment placed on this question... you simply have to answer the question.
If you want an answer to this question, you have to make a decision...
what do you value more.
I have a sexless marriage-
If you value your family more, then you need to get into couples counseling with your husband to get into a marriage that includes sex.
If you value the sex more, then you need to divorce your husband and move on.
(I suppose a 3rd option is to ask your husband if he will tolerate you "having your cake and eating it too..." which I find unlikely... and unfair to everyone involved.)
You know you can't have both. So... you have to stop playing around and come to a decision.
he is a man that has a lot of baggage and i had talked with him about this and did not think this was a serious issue-
Which "he" are you talking about here... the one with the baggage, I mean.
my husband -
Well, if your husband has a lot of baggage, and you're ready to move on, then it's time to divorce.
he is depressed most of the time and also have lots of health issue-
I would recommend counseling for you both (as a couple, and perhaps him individually), but I think you've already moved on...
...and just want someone to grant you permission to do so.
But, you need to make this decision on your own... as you know.
divorce is unfortunately not an option because I care about my family- I understand what you are saying- The problem is i also worked with this other man
i just need to get out of this situation and need help to do that- I am very weak -
I think YOU need to go see a family therapist.
I say family therapist because - you'll get started with him/her as an individual - with the intent of involving your family when you've figured out enough about yourself first.
This doesn't need to be a years-long process... but you need to get started now.
is there someone locally in my area- that I could look for?
If you're NOT willing to divorce, then you have to: (a) ask your husband for an open relationship; (b) continue cheating on him; (c) discontinue all contact with the other gentleman, period.
Your area? (It would be unprofessional for me to recommend someone whom I don't know personally - but if you're close to where I'm at, I could try.)
where are you?
Otherwise, just google "family therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy, couples counseling"
I'm in Cincinnati, OH
i'm from california.. I have to work on myself first
(when you google, include your city... it'll focus down to your area.)
Also, check your insurance recommendations.
Take a deep breath.
You'll figure this out.
i just need time - to get out of this - situation
In the in between: I would recommend no contact with the other man until you start therapy. That means no sex, no meetings, no phone contact, no text, no etc...
Cut it off... and give yourself time to be alone for a bit...
I will- thanks
and then get started with a good therapist. You're right to start with yourself and then proceed from there.
Please click <ACCEPT>.
Best of luck to you.