Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.
It sounds like your husband may have complicated grief. This is a condition where the person gets stuck in an intense state of mourning. They avoid facing life and things that remind them of their loved one. They also feel that life is empty and they lack the motivation to recover.
Here is a link to explain complicated grief:
The fact that your husband is using alcohol tells you that he is trying to dull the pain of his loss. Alcohol use is common with people who do not want to feel emotional pain. He may also experience guilt over not being able to prevent your daughter's death. Men feel responsible for their families and when something bad happens, they can take that responsibility on themselves, even though there is nothing no human can do to prevent what happened.
Although everyone grieves differently, sometimes grief lasts long enough that it becomes depression. While grieving, a person may have times that they can think about their loved one and feel happiness about the time they shared or a good memory. But in depression, the person cannot pull out and enjoy life in any way. If this describes your husband, he may have depression.
It is important that your husband see his doctor. He most likely needs medication to help him. A mild anti depressant may be enough to get him to the point that he can start helping himself. If your husband will not go to the doctor, contact his doctor and let him/her know what is going on. Ask for advice on how you can help your husband.
You can also encourage him to see a counselor with you. Try again. He may be willing. If not, try a support group. He may be willing to participate in one online if he won't go in person. Here is a link to help you find a group:
There are also other resources to help:
The Worst Loss: How Families Heal from the Death of a Child by Barbara D. Rosof
In the Presence of Grief: Helping Family Members Resolve Death, Dying, and Bereavement Issues by Dorothy Stroh Becvar
You can find these books on Amazon.com or your local library may have them for you.
Let me know if I can help in any other way,Kate
It does sound like he leaves a lot of the burden on you. It is difficult to decide how to handle a situation like this and therapy is a great way to help you make the right choice. You can also try your church for counseling if you attend one, or the local community mental health also is an option.
Here are several therapists in Joplin for you to try:
And some in Springfield: