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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5419
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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My soon to be ex husband has been cheating with the same woman

Resolved Question:

My soon to be ex husband has been cheating with the same woman for 13 years and I just found out.How do I get over this?
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 3 years ago.

Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.

 

It is very painful to find out that someone you are supposed to be able to trust has cheated on you and then lies about it. Trust is the basis for a marriage and you expect to be able to trust your spouse. To add to that, your husband was also not trustworthy with your money as well. So you have had to deal with a lot of deception in your marriage.

 

Getting out of the marriage and gaining control over your life is a good first step. Although it is hard to see a marriage end, sometimes there are very good reasons to end it. Since your husband does not seem to show any remorse or seem to care about repairing the damage he has done to your trust and to the marriage, leaving the marriage is one of the few steps you can take to help yourself.

 

You also need to realize that this was not your doing. Your husband chose to do this and would have done it to you or anyone else he was with. The problem is with him so as long as he is does not want to fix it, he will subject whomever he is with to this behavior.

 

To help yourself recover, you may want to consider therapy. It would help you with support and also to work out any anger, sadness and disappointment you may have over your divorce. To find a therapist, try asking your doctor for a referral. Or you can search on line at http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/.

 

You can also find support groups to participate in either on line or in person. Knowing you are not alone and learning how others handle their divorce can help you heal faster. Here is a link to help you find one:

http://www.divorcecare.org/

 

Also, working on your issues at home helps a lot too. Here are some resources to help you:

 

He's History, You're Not: Surviving Divorce After 40 by Erica Manfred and Tina Tessina PhD

 

Rebuilding: When Your Relationship Ends, 3rd Edition (Rebuilding Books; For Divorce and Beyond) by Bruce Fisher

 

Thriving After Divorce: Transforming Your Life When a Relationship Ends by Tonja Evetts Weimer

 

You can find these books on Amazon.com or your local library may have them for you.

 

I hope this has helped you,
Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5419
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 3 years ago.

I haven't heard from you. Did you have more questions or want clarification?

 

Kate

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