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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5424
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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my girlfriend and i are going through a very tough time her

Resolved Question:

my girlfriend and i are going through a very tough time her and i talked about getting married when she moved in over a year ago. two days ago after being suspicous for a couple weeks i saw her text another man while in my bed. She said they have never had relations and she has no feelings for him. after this happened she told me she had to go be with her parents for a while and work things out. i know she love me but i think she has feelings for another guy what should i do?
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 3 years ago.

Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.

 

If you are suspicious, then there is probably good reason to think something is going on. Your girlfriend should not be texting another man while she is with you. In a committed relationship, the only relationship a person should have with the opposite sex is one that their partner is fully aware of and is involved in as well. In other words, she should not be talking to this other man without your full knowledge and consent.

 

The first thing you should do is sit down with your girlfriend and get the truth. Tell her that her behavior is suspicious and she needs to be honest with you for your relationship to work. Then see what she says. If you feel she is honest with you, then work it out from there. If you feel she is being dishonest with you, you may want to consider ending the relationship. If she is cheating now and lying about it, your relationship will not improve unless she sees a problem with what she is doing.

 

You may also want to consider not living together anymore and just dating. See where your relationship goes from there. If she is faithful and wants to be with you, she will make an effort to work it out with you. If not, you will know by how she responds.

 

I hope this helps you,
Kate

 

 

Customer: replied 3 years ago.
I did confront her about it and she tells me she has never cheated on me, but I have seen her out at the bar after we had this text message explosion two days ago and i saw her with the man she was texting.
She told her mother she loves me but isn't sure if shes in love with me, and that she feels like she missed her youth and want to go out drinking and being independant. She tells me she loves me but because of the text and seeing her at the bar which she admitted to she just said she was out with friends after work having drinks and he works with her (which is true).
I gave her two weeks of living at her parents house to figure it out, but I'm not sure I should have done that. She did promise in the two weeks she would not have sex, but again i've lost trust for her.
My love for her and the fun times we've had just keep making me think shes telling the truth but my family friends and everyone else just think im being lied to. Im so confused.
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 3 years ago.

Thank you for the additional information. It helps.

 

I have to agree with your family and friends. And you have seen her behavior with your own eyes as well. This is not how someone in a committed relationship acts.

 

It is very hard to let go of a relationship you felt had a future and that you were committed to. You made an effort to keep it together and she has not. Trust is the basis for a good relationship and if you have lost your trust in your girlfriend, it will be hard to get it back unless she is willing to see her behavior as a problem and work on it.

 

You may want to have her move out and see how living apart affects your relationship. It may help her see she misses you or it may confirm what you suspect, she is cheating.

 

If you chose to let the relationship go, allow yourself time to mourn. It is a loss and it will hurt. Get as much support as you feel you need. Give yourself time most of all, at least 6 to 9 months. If you find after this time you cannot let go, seek the help of a therapist.

 

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5424
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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