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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5450
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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My wife and I have been together for 11 years and married for

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My wife and I have been together for 11 years and married for 5 years. We have two girls 10 and 4 years old. We both are stay at home parents. We are able to stay at home because my wife has an income of over 700,000 per year. My wife is 29 and I am 31. Two days ago I asked her, what was wrong? She replied, I don't think I love you anymore, I'm not atractted to you. We are both great parents, we never fought or argued, we always trusted eachother, and she said that there is know one else. We have been very distant the past few months. I wake up at 6:30 and get my kids to school, then golf or get chores done at home. My wife wakes up at 11:00 gets ready, picks up the girls at school. We pick up dinner, then either I or my wife will have softball or she will go to the casino. I'm usually in bed before she comes home. When we are in bed together she is watching TV and I just go to bed.
I'm hoping that maybe she so stressed due to the fact she lost her brother 3 years ago. He was only 23, drug OD. She has stopped talking to her mom due to all the stress her mother gave her. And some of her friendships are suffering . She was the victum of all those sittuations.
My wife said she is going to see a counselor, but I'm not sure if it's marriage. I love my wife and girls and I'm willing to do anything to fix our relationship. I know I can't make her love me and I know that. I hope she wants to try to work on us. Please help, I never have felt so sad, worthless , unsure, and scared.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 3 years ago.

Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.


From your description, it sounds like your wife may be depressed. The loss of her brother and the relationship with her mother, two very significant relationships in her life, are both either damaged or gone. This has probably impacted her much more that she realizes.

 

One of the best things you can do is to let her know you care and you want to work on things with her. If she does want you involved in counseling, make sure you go. Suggest you both talk to the therapist, even if it's just a few sessions. Give her time to work on whatever is bothering her, but stay in touch with her feelings. Ask her about her sessions and if she will talk to you, listen closely. Touch her gently and tell her you care about how she feels.

 

You can also work on how to help her through self help. There are many ways you can connect with her. Here are some very good websites and books to get you started:

 

http://www.marriagetoday.com/- this site may talk about infidelity, but the basic principles apply in helping your marriage become stronger.

 

http://www.5lovelanguages.com/

 

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert by John M. Gottman and Nan Silver

 

Fighting for Your Marriage: A Deluxe Revised Edition of the Classic Best-seller for Enhancing Marriage and Preventing Divorce by Howard J. Markman, Scott M. Stanley and Susan L. Blumberg

 

The Marriage Clinic: A Scientifically Based Marital Therapy by John Mordechai Gottman

 

You can find these books on Amazon.com or your local library may have them for you.

 

You may also want to work on the time you both spend together. It sounds like you live separate lives, which even in the best marriages will cause you to grow apart. Make time to do things you enjoy together. Go out to dinner without the kids, take your wife to a movie. Have a date night. Be interested in what she is doing. Ask her about herself. Do something small for her, like set up a bath with rose petals or make her a cup of tea. It may take some doing, but if she still has feelings about your marriage, as I suspect she does, she will come around.

 

Let me know if I can help in any other way,

Kate

 

 

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5450
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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