Although I can understand your concern, children are better off in a house with one happy parent than a house with two who are abusive. Children do better when there is stability and happiness. I wouldn't let him keep me from getting a divorce. You deserve to be happy. It sounds like you are fearful of a divorce but one that is sorely needed. First consult a lawyer to see how a divorce can be carried out. then start making plans for your stability. I would say that marriage counseling should start first but I am not in favor of that if there is verbal abuse. You need to take a step forward by carrying out your decision. The more the kids are around someone abusive the more they will learn that it is normal
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This is definitely mental or emotional abuse. Without a doubt. If he touches you in anger even if you are not injured this is physical abuse. Mental abuse will escalate and you will be on the receiving end of something more than you already know. Victims always feel isolated. If not the abuser will make sure they are isolated. The abuser always makes it the victim's fault. It doesn't matter what he portrays to the world. Although an abuser can harm the children it is very common that it sticks with women. You and the ones after you
If he got counseling he would have to be super motivated to get better. Abusers usually are not because they don't think they have a problem. With that thought they do not get better. Change is possible but not probable. Seek instead a separation and work out the rest.
You need to appreciate who you are for your strengths not from someone's ego and need to dominate someone's self esteem. They always convince the other person's that it is their fault. The abuser does no wrong. You should consider a stable environment where you can be happy. You cannot allow him to treat you or your children this way; however that can happen. If he is blaming you he won't change and that is what your children will see. He is generally hurtful and you don't deserve that. Don't tolerate it