How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Norman M. Your Own Question

Norman M.
Norman M., Principal psychotherapist in private practice. Newspaper contributor, over 2000 satisfied clients on JA
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 2536
Experience:  ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), ECP, UKCP Registered.
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
Norman M. is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

My fiance and I both have masters degrees from similar institutions. We also both have si

Resolved Question:

My fiance and I both have masters degrees from similar institutions. We also both have similar levels of income, and are on the same page that education is very important for our children. We have talked about our goals, and life dreams and are very much in sync. We make an awesome team. However, my family comes from 3 generations of physicians on both my mom & dad's sides, and I don't have anyone in my family who didn't finish college and most have advanced degrees. My fiance is the first person in his family to finish college. The closer we get to the wedding, the more anxiety I have about how our families are going to interact both short-term and long-term. It's mainly things like they use incorrect grammar (which drives my parents crazy), and don't have social graces or know how to behave appropriately in certain social situations. They are definitely blue-collar versus my white-collar family (some of them don't even have all of their teeth!). I haven't thought much about
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Norman M. replied 3 years ago.
You sound a wonderful couple. Incredibly synchronised in terms of education, outlook, and expectations. It could hardly be better. Or could it?

Ask yourself this simple question - do I love my fiance? Do I love him enough to spend my life with him?

If the answer is yes, then, frankly his family's teeth have nothing to do with it.

You are an incredibly fortunate young woman, from an educated and cultured background. Given what you have said about your family background and obvious ability to support you financially through your studies, one would expect little less from you than what you have achieved.

Consider your fiance. He comes from a background of such a nature that for him to achieve much the same as you have must have meant much worry, deprivation, hard work and anxiety, both on his part and on the part of his family.

Do you have the grace to accept that he founding fathers of your country were basically refugees and peasants, and that all of what you have as a society exists mainly on the efforts of these brave people, most of whom were what we would call blue- collar workers. They fought the elements, native oppostion, disease and poverty. Where you are today is the product of their yesterdays.

How the world turns, when the people like you and me can be tempted to look at the lower orders, and hold in contempt their grammar, their accents, their lack of so-called culture?

No, young lady! Cultured speech and social graces are the privelege of thos who have the time,money and leisure to cultivate them. I'm sure your fiance has them, and perhaps it has taken him a lot of hard time and hard work to learn them.

Be proud of him. Try to remember that when his parents were growing up, they had little time, little incentiveand probably less money to worry about developing social graces - their mores are those of the people who made your life possibe. Now I know this is perhaps not what you wanted to hear, but if you love the man, be proud - yes, proud of his heritage, and if your parents have a problem with the social graces or lack thereof of his family, then indeed, they are poor in spirit.

You, obviously, are not. You knew what you were taking on. If they must, let them be contemptuous. You do not need to descend to that level. Be gracious. Don't look down on those less favored than you. If your parents must, then they must.

And on a final, and personal note, I don't have all my teeth either - but I'm still an internationally respected psychotherapist! The replacements cost $$$$$$$$! :)

I wish you both a happy and long life together.

Best wishes, NorrieM



I
Norman M., Principal psychotherapist in private practice. Newspaper contributor, over 2000 satisfied clients on JA
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 2536
Experience: ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), ECP, UKCP Registered.
Norman M. and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
< Last | Next >
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
  • I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well! Claudia Albuquerque, NM
  • Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion. Kevin Beaverton, OR
  • Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
    I feel better already! Thank you.
    Elanor Tracy, CA
  • Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem. Julie Lockesburg, AR
  • You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions. John and Stefanie Tucson, AZ
  • I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!! Janet V Phoenix, AZ
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/Dr.Keane/2013-8-20_204325_drkeane.64x64.jpg Dr. Keane's Avatar

    Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    5024
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC's Avatar

    Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    3733
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/DrAkiraOlsen/2012-2-20_746_AkiraADpicmain.64x64.jpg Dr. Olsen's Avatar

    Dr. Olsen

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2336
    PsyD Psychologist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg Norman M.'s Avatar

    Norman M.

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2193
    UK trained in hypnotherapy, counselling and psychotherapy and have been in private practice. ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), UKCP Registered and ECP.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/PsychologyProf/2010-07-15_171248_logos060400409.jpg Dr. Michael's Avatar

    Dr. Michael

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2177
    Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KURTEMMERLING/2010-07-23_215531_just_ask_picture1.jpg Steven Olsen's Avatar

    Steven Olsen

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1727
    More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education
 
 
 

Related Mental Health Questions