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Bill
Bill, LCSW, Consultant, Expert Witness
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 3705
Experience:  35 years treating individuals, couples, families with mental health and substance abuse prob's
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How can my son overcome the trauma of his longtime girlfriends betrayal

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How can my son overcome the 'trauma' of his longtime girlfriend's betrayal and her leaving and
sudden pregnancy of another guy? Things don't make sense to my son anymore, and worse: however he would like to start another relationship, the one#s# XXXXX seem interesting to him ... are not at all interested in him, what makes the feeling of being lost even greater.
Tell me also if and how I as his mother can help, cause it's a frustrating situation. His father doesn't live anymore, we are alone on this island and I don't see friends coming for him. He's not interested in anything; the only thing that would help, would be another girlfriend to ease the pain. He's almost 31 and I don't see him enjoying life anymore, like a robot he's only going to work and getting home to the tv. Only thinking, puzzling, breaking his head asking why why why and not getting answers, not getting enough sleep and still feeling badly hurt, betrayed, humiliated and only sometimes complaining about it. I think h
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Bill replied 3 years ago.
Hello- Thank you for asking the question here at JustAnswer. I have read what you have written and am happy to respond.
I am sorry to hear about this issue in your life. Betrayal cuts to the bone of emotion and it is a process to resolve, much like grief. Working through the emotional pain sometimes requires the aid of a therapist however, there is much that you can learn from reading and information on the internet.

Working through betrayal effectively results in acceptance and forgiveness. It is a process that takes time and in time, the gut wrenching feelings of hurt and pain will subside:
See the following information which deals with how to work through the betrayal.
I trust that this will help and serves to answer your question.
I wish you the best at this difficult time.
Bill
PLEASE CLICK ACCEPT
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Dear Bill,

In fact I already knew I could look for information on the internet. I also knew that going to a therapist was another option. But because I am (we are) too ashamed to do the last mentioned on this small island we live on and because of the fact that they'll surely recommend more sessions which we can't afford, I decided to connect with you when I saw the advertisement of 'JustAnswers' on my screen. Before that I never knew about them, but the advertisement was so promising -I thought I(we) would get instant help for our specific case, without having to show our faces or being pointed at. And the price of $15.- seemed reasonable for this online help.

But please, let it then meet the expectations: let it be personal and tailored to my(our) specific case,of which I explained you the details, convinced that help (answers, suggestions, words to use) was underway,from you as the therapist they consulted me with.

Not a brief word of ' comprehensipon and best wishes' and another internetlink that'll tell me something in general about marriage and betrayal - we know too much about it already, we just want to come out of it, asap. I know there's light at the end of the tunnel, but if you really help you can get me (us) there faster and preferably now.

P.S.:My son was not married to that girl, but never mind, it doesn't make the pain less.

Expert:  Bill replied 3 years ago.
I am sorry that you are unhappy with the response. I am known for not beating around the bush if you re-read what I suggested you will see that the answers are in the first paragraph.

You don't want to see a therapist, fine. Typically, this type of complicated reaction can take from 1 to 2 years to resolve emotionally. I have been doing this work for over 30 years and it doesn't I feel my reply got right to the point. You rejecting my recommendations is certainly your choice.

If your expectation for paying $15.00 was to have an prolonged session, I apologize. It is called JustAnswer.com. There are many websites where you could pay me up to $5.00 per MINUTE if you want ongoing anonymous therapy. Our goal is to help get you pointed in the right direction. I suggested therapy as I know this is going to take a long time. Internet research is something that most people find very helpful in the meantime. (I realized your son is not married).

Best regards, Bill


Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Hello Bill,

You sound a little upset in your second letter and that was not the purpose of my reaction on your first, hence you're the professional. My apologies if I'm mistaken. Anyhow, I don't want to take more of your time as I understand that was all you could say or suggest. As for me, once again, it's below my expectation.

I'm sorry, but thanks anyhow.

Expert:  Bill replied 3 years ago.
Hello-

No apologies necessary- I am direct in my responses but no intent to be upset or angry.

Some advice for you your son and whoever is affected:
Re-Frame your thinking. Change from this being a "Trauma" to this being a
a "Gift or Blessing in disguise." People that did what she did are not healthy candidates for long term relationships, much less......marriage.

This may not make sense now, but it will in sometime in the future.

Best, Bill
Bill, LCSW, Consultant, Expert Witness
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 3705
Experience: 35 years treating individuals, couples, families with mental health and substance abuse prob's
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