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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5559
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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Hello Im trying to mind-map out my greatest fears in order

Resolved Question:

Hello

I'm trying to mind-map out my greatest fears in order to become more clear about the walls I build around which stops me from living a fulfilling life.

I would highly appreciate feedback and suggestions in how I can cope with these fears!

list of fears in a somewhat chronological order:

fear of shipping/delivering/achieving/success
fear of finishing
fear of being validated
fear of rejection
fear of humiliation
fear of losing my legitimacy
fear of losing my most basal rights
fear of being abused when in destitute of my rights
fear of abuse leading to others justifying terror and torture of me
Fear of fellowmen advocating my death
fear of me not being able to confute the fellowmen who advocates my death

thank you for your help, feedback and input!
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 3 years ago.

Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.

 

It is a matter of addressing your fear as a singular feeling rather than as individual fears. When people have anxiety and fears, they focus their fear on any number of objects, people or situations. For example, some who is fearful may fear cats or they may fear bridges. What they fear may be different, but the feeling that causes the fear and the answer on how to resolve it are the same.

 

What you need to address is why you feel afraid and how to cope with it. Anxiety and fears are, at the root, about how your body reacts when you are faced with what you fear. Adrenaline is released when you feel the fear (you feel you are in danger) and this causes you to react as if you were. That reaction is what causes most people to develop fears. The become overwhelmed and feel they are going to die or have a heart attack, both of which are far from the truth. The way to counteract this is to learn how to control your reaction, where it comes from and how to see it for what it is- harmless.

 

You mentioned that you are in therapy and on medication. Are these treatments helping you? The therapy alone should be helping you to feel better. Talk therapy has shown to be highly effective with anxiety, phobias and fears. If you feel you are not better, you can try another therapist. Finding a therapist you feel helps you and that you are comfortable with is much like finding your family doctor. It may take a few tries, but you will click with someone.

 

Also, because fears and anxiety are so common, there is a lot of self help available for you. Here are some resources to help you get started:

 

The Anxiety & Phobia Workbook by Edmund J. Bourne

 

Anxiety, Phobias, & Panic: A Step-by-Step Program for Regaining Control of Your Life by Reneau Z. Peurifoy

 

The 10 Best-Ever Anxiety Management Techniques: Understanding How Your Brain Makes You Anxious and What You Can Do to Change It by Margaret Wehrenberg

 

You can find these books on Amazon.com or your local library may have them for you.

 

Let me know if I can help in any other way,

Kate

 

Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Hello!

I guess I articulated myself clumsy. I guess what I wanted to say is that I am unclear on how these fears and feelings manifest themselves in my life, e.g. having the feeling of losing my most basal rights, i.e. my right to exist. I guess is not a series of fears, more a feeling of not having a right to exist.

I have a very vivid image of how these fears and feelings feel like from my childhood and after years of therapy these feelings are somewhat gone, but still I behave and act as they where still very real.

I guess I want help with finding techniques so I can pinpoint situations where I make decisions (or more commonly, don't make decisions at all) on the behalf of these old feelings, all-tough, they're gone.

This old feeling that I don't have a right to exist keeps me from being me. I kinda feel like I have to overcome it once and for all. How do I do that?
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 3 years ago.

If you have pinpointed a root cause for your fear, such as an abusive parent telling you you do not have a right to exist, then you need to deal with your fear from that angle. In other words, you go back and work on the emotional abuse you suffered from hearing that being told to you. That usually entails therapy work to resolve because it is deep seated. It can be resolved, it is just a bit more complicated because it involves relationship issues and unfulfilled needs and desires.

 

If you somehow developed this fear as a child with no discernible reason, it is a matter of confronting this fear with the truth. You need to practice thought stopping and replacing this thought with the fact that you do have the right to exist. Also, it helps to go over the facts of the situation. For example, who says you do not have the right to exist? If someone did say it, who says they are right? What proof is there? And why do you lose your right to exist if others have the right to be here? What makes you different? These questions need answered so you do not have any way to refute the fact that you do have the right to exist.

 

Each time you have the thought, say stop in your mind and replace it with the thought that you are worthy just like everyone else and that you do have the right to be here.

 

What you are dealing with sounds like possible Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. If a therapist or treatment professional has not evaluated you for this disorder, consider getting another opinion. Although it is hard to tell just from talking to you on line, the possibility needs ruled out. If you would be diagnosed, it would make your treatment much more effective.

 

Kate

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 3 years ago.

I haven't heard from you. Did you have more questions or want clarification?

 

Kate

Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Hello again,

I Never got diagnosed with OCD, so maybe that's a lead to something.

The only "external rituals" I have I guess is procrastination; not taking action or making decisions for my self and expressing "me", like deep anti-assertivness.

Recently I realized that even as an adult I sabotage myself in order to underachieve and I guess this led me to believe that I somehow was still afraid of not having a right to exist.

I'm extremely good on refuting the fact that I do have right to exist, and even if I can comprehend the fact that I maybe never will get a bill that proves my right to exist and that it is in someway a matter of faith, I still can't overcome the feeling of it. It's there, seemingly untouchable.

Is there any self-help book on this matter, improving once sense/feeling of right to exist?

How does one improve ones general emotional awareness of entitlement to existence? (that would be the $10.000 question)

thank you for your time

will
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 3 years ago.

OCD can manifest itself through thoughts that are distressing or external behaviors. Either one or both are acceptable as part of an OCD diagnosis.

 

There are no books on the right to exist specifically. Most of the materials available for OCD though would be helpful to you. Here are some recommendations to get you started:

 

Overcoming Obsessive Thoughts: How to Gain Control of Your OCD by Christine Purdon and David A. Clark

 

Coping with OCD: Practical Strategies for Living Well with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder by Bruce Hyman and Troy Dufrene

 

Freedom from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder: A Personalized Recovery Program for Living with Uncertainty by Jonathan Grayson

 

You can find these books on Amazon.com. or your local library may have them for you.

 

You can improve your belief of your right to exist by addressing the basic issue here, which is the OCD. Getting an evaluation to confirm the diagnosis would be a good step in helping yourself. Educating yourself on your diagnosis and working towards healing is the next step. Everything you do to work towards getting better will chip away at the thoughts you have been having. Proving that you have a right to exist is great, but it would most likely not settle your doubt because, like you said, you would always be able to come up with a reason why you should not. So addressing the main issue would help resolve the thought since that is where it originates.

 

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5559
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
So it's not a question of changing my perception of myself?

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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
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Mental Health Professional
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Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.